Today was the Walk for Wishes 5K that I was doing with my friend Lynne and my sister Christina. I must say that this event was pretty badly organized. They were still marking the route just a few minutes before the race began and it was very confusing. There were several places where flags were marked in two directions and we pretty much had to guess whether or not we were going the right way. My sister and Lynne were pretty sure that they went the wrong way for about 5 minutes before getting back on the right track. To top it all off, when we finished the time was 36 minutes. As much as I wish that were my time for 3.1 miles, there’s NO WAY it was accurate. So, we’re all pretty sure that the route wasn’t actually 3.1 miles, but probably around 2.5. I felt bad for Lynne since this was her first one and all, but we still had a great time and I know it was a great experience for her anyway.

You can click on each picture for a full size view.

Here’s me and Lynne just before the race:

Me and my sister:

The three of us (I really like this shot of us):

Here we are crossing the finish line – yay!

The three of us after the race posing at the start/finish line:

And these last three were just us having fun before the race started:

I’m glad they did it with me because in all honesty, I might not have finished had they not been there. I started off jogging and did great for the first .25 mile but then I got the worst.shin.splints.ever. My legs were on fire and every step I took just hurt worse and worse. I really wasn’t sure I was going to be able to finish, but I kept seeing Lynne and my sister ahead of me and that helped motivate me to press on. After the race, we all three went to the gym together and worked out for like an hour I think? I did about 5 miles on the exercise bike and then got on the treadmill. While on the treadmill, my time at .8 of a mile was 15 minutes and I just thought I would try to beat my fastest time…so I upped my speed and jogged my heart out. Then I upped my speed some more, the fastest I’ve ever gone – 5.5 mph. I wasn’t sure my legs could keep up but they did. Of course, I had Christina and Lynne there to cheer me on! I finished in 17:23.

Overall it was an AWESOME day with two AWESOME women! My legs are hating me right now, but it was all worth it! ♥ If you have time, won’t you stop by Lynne’s blog and congratulate her on her first 5K? She rocks! ♥

46.6 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
11.9 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(2) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

Image by Pippa!

Can’t believe we’re already through Week 5…it’s time again for another Perfect 10 Update.

Here were my Perfect 10 Goals and how I faired on each of them this week:

• Walk 100 miles over the course of the 10 weeks. This will help keep me on track to reach 500 for the year. I walked and/or jogged 11 miles this week. This brings my total for the year to 41.6 miles.
• Continue the C25K program, doing it at least 3 days per week until completed.Success
• Start riding my bike. No time or distance restraints for this. This one is purely just to get over my fear and DO it…at least once and I’ll be happy. Success – See this post.
• Not drink ANY soda. This is also a goal for the year. So far so good! It’s been 130 days since I’ve had ANY soda.
• Participate in (3) 5k races. This will help keep me on track to do 12 for the year. I did the Calusa Bug Chase 5K in January and am participitating tin the Walk for Wishes TOMORROW! I found a third I want to do, but I still need to register.
• Start a garden. Still haven’t started yet, but I do havea plan!
• Go to bed by 11:00 on work nights, but preferably 10:00. Only made it 2 out of 5 nights!
• Sign up for Karate (or another martial art if Karate isn’t available) Had to put this on hold for a little while due to finances and time restraints.
• Go to the gym at least 3 times per week.Success!
• Stay within my budget every month (using YNAB) This is a yearly goal as well. Doing well here.
• Read the Bible each day using this plan. Another yearly goal. I’ve caught up on a lot this week, but still am behind.

Another productive week behind me. I had some great workouts, the best being kickboxing last night. My eating was on target all week with the exception of Wednesday, but I’ve moved on, so I won’t dwell on it here. Tomorrow is the Walk for Wishes and I’m super excited about it! I’m also super excited for Lynne because she’ll be doing it with me and it’ll be her first. She’s a little nervous, but I know she’ll do great! My sister has also decided to join us.

The other part of this challenge is to post something that others may not have known about me.

When I was 23 I was a waitress and a single mom of a toddler. I decided to move from Florida to North Carolina to be near my sister and to go back to school and (finally) get the engineering degree I had always wanted. Well, I had to wait a year until I’d be a ‘resident’ so that I could get in-state tuition and I guess you can say that a lot happened in that year. I met Darren (who is now my husband) and I was soon pregnant with my second child. For most people, that would have meant putting any college dreams on hold (again). Not me – I had put it off for too long as it was and didn’t want to wait anymore. So I signed up for fall classes anyway, pregnant and all. I’ll never forget it because the first day of classes was August 13th and my original due date was a week later, August 20th! I got all kinds of weird looks thrown at me So, that’s something most people don’t know about me…and it was one of the best decisions I’d ever made in my life – EXTREMELY hard to be a mom, student, and full time waitress, but SO worth it when I walked that stage 3 years later. Of course, the decision to lose weight and get healthy is up there too!

41.6 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(1) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

Thank you all so much for your comments on my post last night. I felt silly vulnerable after posting it and considered deleting it almost immediately after publishing, but now I’m glad I didn’t. Getting it out did me good…reading your comments did me better. Yes, I was crying too, holy cow! I’m pretty speechless at the moment concerning all of it, but just know that I’m very appreciative of your support.

I woke up this morning and just told myself that today would be a better day because I was going to make it so – and it was. My eating was back on target, I had a great workout this evening, and I feel like my emotions are almost back in check.

Before I go, let me tell you what happened at the gym tonight. It was kickboxing night and it was a brutal workout. She had us working muscles I didn’t know exist – seriously. Afterwards I went and hopped on the treadmill to get a couple miles in like I always do. Having the goal to reach 500 for the year is what motivates me to do that, otherwise I’d likely just go home afterwards. Anyway, my sister came over and told me that the kickboxing trainer was talking to her about me not realizing that we were sisters. She was telling my sister how impressed she was that I always got on the treadmill afterwards because once class is over she’s ready to be done and go home. I was pretty stunned that the trainer was impressed by me.

I was so tired when I got home that I went to sit on my bed to take my shoes off and get a shower and the next thing I know I was waking up an hour later. I just fell asleep like that! LOL!

Anyway, thanks again – I’m still in this fight. I haven’t given up, and am going to do everything in my power to make sure I don’t!

41.6 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(1) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

Remember the other day when I was talking about emotions? and how I could no longer pretend like my weight-loss journey was merely a physical challenge unaffected by anything mental or emotional? Well, today was very tumultuous for me, both physically and mentally. So, here I am tonight, entering brand new territory on my blog as I share some of the innermost thoughts I had today.

For some reason, I woke up and felt very heavy. I don’t know how well I can explain this feeling, but I’ll try. Since I started working out and increasing my strength and endurance, I’ve noticed that I walk around a little taller. A little more confident. A little faster. A little lighter. On those days I feel strong and capable and my presence reflects that. Today was the opposite and I don’t know why, but I just felt sluggish, incompetent, weak, and for lack of a better word, heavy. As a result, loads of self doubt crept in and I was asking myself questions like “who are you kidding? you really think that you will ever be able to run a marathon?” All day I found myself looking down at my belly rolls and thinking how delusional I was to ever think that someday they wouldn’t be there. I’m an all or nothing kind of gal and I just kept telling myself that even IF I get down to my goal weight I will still have rolls of loose skin, stretch marks, etc. I must have went to the restroom 10 times during the work day just to look at my face up close in the mirror investigating new lines that seem to have appeared overnight. Are they a result of the weight I’ve lost so far? Will they get worse as I lose more like I’ve seen on other women who’ve lost a lot of weight? (Like Tracy, from the BL last season) Would I be better off staying fat so that at least the skin on my face will stay smooth for a few more years? Then I’d look down at my feet in frustration at just how ugly they looked today. I used to love the way my feet looked in sandals, but now I just have fat, old lady feet that are all hardened on the bottom and blegh. How would they look once I lost the weight? They’ll never be back where they were 100 pounds ago so what’s the point? That’s a lot of self-doubt for one day, I know.

I’m not posting all of this to elicit sympathy from anyone. Trust me, it’ll be very hard for me to hit that “publish” button once I’m done. I just feel like this struggle is sometimes harder than the struggle of whether or not to eat that cookie. I find it easier now to resist soda than I do to accept myself. As my struggles evolve, so should my blog.

This turmoil that plagued me today not only affected my demeanor, but also my eating and exercise, which was non-existent. Lunch was ok, but for dinner my husband cooked mashed potatoes. Some of you might remember how I had to have a Plan B (and C) for Thanksgiving last year (and I did SO well that day) because mashed potatoes are a great weakness of mine. “Trigger food” if you will. Well, I decided to have a portion of them tonight and it certainly triggered something in me to have more…and more. And then after dinner I had pudding. And nachos. And THREE glasses of sweet tea. (I normally only drink water, with an occasional tea probably once a week, never more than one glass a day, so this was a lot of sugar for me today.)

So yes, I had a rough day. Deep down inside I know I’m capable, it’s just hard sometimes to realize it. I can see the progress I’ve made, not only in pictures, but also in how much I can do now compared to four months ago. I’m able to walk faster and farther. I can jog now. I am in kickboxing. I’m drinking almost 100 oz of water a day on average, and that’s coming from someone who used to drink two 2-liters of Pepsi a day. It’s like my head sees the progress and knows I’m capable but convincing my soul is turning out to be a much more difficult task than I ever thought it would be.

Some days my inner fat girl wins and today was one of those days. I have to keep telling myself that I am capable…that it WILL be worth it…and maybe, just maybe I can reach a point where my inner fat girl doesn’t have a voice anymore – at least not one that has any control in my life.

39.1 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(1) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

I was hoping for at least a 2 lb loss this week, so you can imagine my excitement when I saw a 3.2 lb loss! Yep, I weighed in this morning at 219.8 lbs which means that I’ve lost 36.2 pounds since 9/28!

This loss signifies a few different things for me. First it means that I’ve passed the 35 lb milestone! While this isn’t one of my ‘official’ milestones that I have listed in my sidebar, it’s still notable for me because it’s the most I’ve ever lost before in any of my past “diets”. Ever! It also means that I’m out of the 220’s and now in the two-teens! I can hardly believe it. I’m now closer to being under 200 than I am the weight I started at, 256. This loss also means that I am right on target to reach my goal to be under 200 by the end of the 911 Fitness Challenge I joined. I have 19.8 lbs left to lose over the next 9 weeks in order to reach that goal. Totally reachable! Wanna know something else? My BMI is now 38.9 – under the 40 mark! When I started this journey four months ago my BMI was 44.1. So I’m down 5.2 points in that regard. One more number before I go – 14%. That’s the percentage of weight I’ve lost over the past 126 days.

These results make all the work I’ve been putting in recently SO worth it. I feel this merits repeating, if you’re reading this and doubt whether or not you can lose weight, please, please know that you CAN do this. I doubted it for many years too until one day I just made the decision to change my life and so can you. Feel free to a email me if you have any questions; I will help any way I can.

36.22 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(1) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

Edited: I have updated my pictures page with today’s photo here.

We celebrated my mom’s birthday today and since I volunteered to make the cake, we had all sorts of sweet temptations lurking in my home all weekend…and I’m happy to report that I resisted it all. Well, I may or may not have had a lick or two of icing, but yeah.

It was the first cake I’ve baked since taking on this challenge to lose weight. I could have refused and just asked my sister to get a cake or something so that I wouldn’t have that kind of temptation here, but that wouldn’t be confronting my struggles now would it? Everyone seemed to like it…the top heart shaped layer was covered in coconut, my mom’s favorite. Speaking of my mom, here she is with my two daughters:

So, happy birthday Mom and thanks for all you do! ♥

I haven’t worked out since Friday evening because my ankle started bothering me. I have an old injury that I think flared up because of all the walking/jogging I did last week. So I decided to wrap it and stay off of it for the weekend which has helped a lot. I plan to be at the gym bright and early tomorrow morning to get this week started off good like I did last week. I have another 5K (walk for wishes) next Saturday and my goal is to beat my previous time.

Hope you all had a great weekend…mine was a bit trying but I think I came out stronger for it. Tomorrow is my weigh-in and if my sneak peek on the scale this morning holds true, then tomorrow will be a very good day for me indeed!

33.1 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(1) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

The other day I read a post over at Kim’s blog about how a comment by her coach caused her to panic and start gaining weight again. One of the things I love about Kim’s blog is how open and honest she is and in her comments I wrote:

I can completely relate to why that comment would send you on such a downward spiral. I love your honesty and how you share so many of your emotions here with us…I’ve been so reluctant to get ‘emotional’ on my blog, I guess because I’m scared to put myself out there like that. It’s difficult though to try to keep the physical separated from the mental – they are so intertwined. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself with us!

Part of her reply was this (You can read the whole convo here):

I don’t mean to say that sharing as I have is not without risk. It is risky. But I guess ultimately, I want change, lasting change, more than I want to hold that stuff that binds me up in.

Since I started my blog in September of last year, I’ve been reluctant to allow myself to get too “emotional” here…to share too much about ME. It’s fairly easy for me to post what I’ve eaten or talk about my workouts and such, but to post actual real life emotions is a part of me that I wasn’t sure I was ready to expose yet. It’s a risk I wasn’t willing to take. I mean, I sent the link to my blog to practically everyone I know, family and friends alike, so it’s not like I’m completely anonymous here talking to a bunch of people I’ll likely never meet.

So I’ve been asking myself the last few days which do I want more? That “lasting change” Kim was referring to? Or do I want to continue to keep this stuff hidden within pretending like it doesn’t exist? While the former is certainly risky, the latter is a bit dishonest to my readers and myself, is it not?

Well, yesterday I received a message that completely threw me off for the whole day. Not because of what it said, but rather, my perception of what it said. I don’t want to post the exact message here because it was sent to me privately, but I feel I must write about it because of how it relates to my journey here. The message came from someone who’s been a good friend of mine for a lot of years. I admire and respect her and she’s been very supportive of me through this weight loss journey. In her message, she had written the word “HUGE” and somehow I managed to grab that word and hold onto it like none of the other words in her message mattered. I somehow glossed over her real intent, her motive, and the context of what she really was saying. All I saw was HUGE and for some reason I immediately thought she was calling me huge. It didn’t make sense to me. I re-read the message several times but all I kept seeing was that word “HUGE” (which was capitalized in the message). I couldn’t understand why anyone, especially a good friend, would call me that. Why would she feel the need to insinuate such when she knows how hard I’ve been working to get non-huge? This message really got into my head yesterday in a bad way. It was devastating.

Then my perception had a head-on collision with reality. She wasn’t calling me huge – AT ALL. Without going into specifics, she was calling something else huge, but somehow I was able to extrapolate the absolute worst scenario and go almost the entire day thinking she thought I was huge.

So I’m left wondering how deep my weight issues must really be to have let my perception get so warped like that. This journey isn’t just about calories eaten, pounds lost, and miles walked…it’s about so much more. As such, my blog must be an honest reflection of that. If I don’t address the emotions behind my eating, and the deep rooted weight issues that I obviously have, I don’t think I can be successful at this. I’m grateful to Kim for helping me realize the importance of sharing this part of my journey with you all.

33.1 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(1) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

Image by Pippa!

Wow, it’s that time again for another Perfect 10 Update…can you believe we’re already done with Week 4??

Here were my Perfect 10 Goals and how I faired on each of them this week:

• Walk 100 miles over the course of the 10 weeks. This will help keep me on track to reach 500 for the year. I walked and/or jogged SIXTEEN miles this week! That’s the most for me so far in one week. So I really did some catching up this week. This brings my total for the year to 30.5 miles.
• Continue the C25K program, doing it at least 3 days per week until completed.MAJOR success
• Start riding my bike. No time or distance restraints for this. This one is purely just to get over my fear and DO it…at least once and I’ll be happy. Success – See this post.
• Not drink ANY soda. This is also a goal for the year. So far so good! It’s been 123 days since I’ve had ANY soda.
• Participate in (3) 5k races. This will help keep me on track to do 12 for the year. I did the Calusa Bug Chase 5K last weekend and am registered for the Walk for Wishes on Feb. 6th. I still need to find a 3rd.
• Start a garden. Still haven’t started yet, but I do havea plan!
• Go to bed by 11:00 on work nights, but preferably 10:00. Succeeded 5 out of 5 nights!
• Sign up for Karate (or another martial art if Karate isn’t available) Had to put this on hold for a little while due to finances and time restraints.
• Go to the gym at least 3 times per week.I went FOUR times this week, two of which were in the same day.
• Stay within my budget every month (using YNAB) This is a yearly goal as well. Doing well here.
• Read the Bible each day using this plan. Another yearly goal. I have a lot of catching up to do on this.

Had a GREAT week fitness wise. WOW, probably the most intense so far. I have really been trying to push myself to go farther and faster on the treadmill. I am so determined to become a runner…someday. I just realized tonight that I don’t really have any foodie goals in the Perfect 10. Surprisingly, I’ve been doing rather well with my eating, and I hope that continues. I do want to start trying new foods, and eat more whole/organic foods, maybe I’ll work on those things in the next challenge.

The other part of this challenge is to post something that others may not have known about you. I already let the cat out of the bag to Pippa, so I told her this would be my next Perfect 10 secret so I could give more details. I have a tattoo! The tattoo is of a black cat sitting tall, with bright green eyes and a pretty pink bow. The reason I chose this design is too personal to share, however I will say that this cat completely represented me and my life at the time I got it at the ripe old age of 20. I’m no longer the same person I was 15 years ago (who is?) but I don’t regret getting it at all. Every time I look at it, I’m reminded of who I was then, who I am now, and the journey between the two. The other day when I was talking about rewards I mentioned that I already knew how I wanted to reward myself when I reach my final goal weight…well, I want another tattoo. I’ve wanted another one for years now, but have resisted because I didn’t want to get it while I was fat. I have told myself for the last decade that if I ever lost weight I’d get another one, so that’s what I intend to do! While I don’t have a specific design yet for my future tat, I’d love to get one of my girls’ faces. I have another 88 pounds to lose before I reach my goal, so I have lots of time to figure it out.

So now you know! Do you have any tattoos?

30.5 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(1) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

You all might remember when my plans got derailed and I couldn’t go to kickboxing last Thursday? Well, tonight I’m going and I am very excited! So I thought I’d focus today’s blog post on what all is involved in our kickboxing class.

Well, for starters we do a lot of kicking. Kicking to the front, to the side, to the rear. There are four steps to a proper kick, but I don’t think I could explain them in words, lol. You have to “chamber” your leg, kick, chamber again, and then bring it back down. The class is actually called “Cardio Kickboxing” so we do a lot more than just kicking exercises. We also do a lot of punching. I don’t know what each move is called, but I’m learning. While punching we jump from side to side so we’re always moving. We punch to the front, to the side, jabs, uppercuts, etc. I really like the punching part and am thinking about asking if I can take hand weights to use when I punch. We also do various other cardio stuff such as football runs and jumping jacks. I think she throws this other stuff in there to help condition us to be able to do the kicking better. She also throws in other stuff like lunges, squats, etc. It’s always a great workout (the best I get during the week) and as I’ve mentioned before, I just love going!

I debated whether or not to post these pictures. A part of me thought it was a silly thing to post, but this blog is my way of journaling this whole weight-loss experience. Much to my surprise, kickboxing has become a big part of this journey for me, so it’s only appropriate that I share them here.

I think we were doing punching exercises when those pics were taken, I don’t remember. I’m hoping my sister can get some more pictures at tonight’s class and maybe some during the kicking portion…that would be so neat to share with you all!

I’ve made good progress this week and have really done a lot to catch up on my distance goal. I’ve walked another 4 miles since I last posted. My food has also been on target. Last weekend I bought a box of sugar free popsicles because I thought at 15 calories each, they would be the perfect snack to help cool me down after workouts. All week though I felt bloated and hardly saw any movement on the scale even though I was doing everything right. Then I noticed on the box that the popsicles has something called “Sugar Alcohol”. So I did a quick wiki search and found out that sugar alcohols can cause bloating because they don’t completely digest. No wonder I was feeling bloated! So I don’t think I’ll have too many more of those. I’ll stick with my 10 calorie jello cups.

p.s. – My water bottle came in and I absofriggenlutely LOVE it! I’m kinda liking this reward stuff!

29.0 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
1 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

Well, the good news is that I went back to the gym last night which was a first for me to go twice in one day! Another first was my total mileage for the day – 6.4 miles! This brings my total so far for the year to 25.

The bad news is that am plum pooped today! And a bit sore. My left hip, especially. I haven’t mentioned this before, but my left hip has been getting sore after I jog. At first I thought it was just a normal soreness to be expected after a workout or for someone my size trying to jog…but it’s ONLY my left hip. Wouldn’t they both be sore if it were just normal soreness? It has me a little concerned that there’s something else going on with my left hip, but there’s really nothing I can do about it right now, so I’ll just try to listen to my body the best I can.

Now for the fun stuff! I’ve been reading many of your blogs and one thing I see quite frequently is that you all reward yourself once you reach certain milestones. Certainly this would do wonders for your motivation having something else to look forward to, would it not? So, I’ve decided to join in and start rewarding myself! You may recall when I reached my first milestone of losing 25 lbs back in December. Well, I’ve decided to retroactively reward myself for that with this Camelbak water bottle:

It should be here tomorrow

Here are my milestones I have listed in my right sidebar:

231: 25 Pounds lost (Reached 12/14/2009)
199: Will be my first time under 200 lbs in 14 yrs
160: Lowest weight I can remember being as an adult
156: 100 Pounds lost
135: Final Goal Weight

My next one will be when I hit what’s popularly known as “onederland”. I’m going to have to ponder what my reward will be for that and the other milestones. I will say this. I already know (have known for a while, actually) what I’d like to have once I reach my final goal weight. Stay tuned for details.

American Idol tonight, I’ll sure be glad when auditions are over and we get to the good stuff! Have a great day everyone.

25.0 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
1 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)