Confession: I must have looked at my pictures at least a hundred times yesterday…LOL I’m in complete awe! I’m still giddy as a school child…in sheer disbelief that I am actually.doing.this.
Oh, and I mentioned this in my comments, but it’s worth mentioning again. My Monday weigh-in had me at 19.5 lbs lost….well, when I got home that evening and weighed myself out of curiosity the freakin’ scale told me I was EXACTLY 236.0. Which is exactly 20 lbs lost! So, I suppose in reality I DID lose that 20 afterall, haha….I don’t know where that 1/2 pound magically disappeared to throughout the day…but I’m glad it did. 
I really, really need to get my butt back into workout mode. I am almost feeling guilty about still losing weight even though I haven’t worked out in like a week and a half. (or has it been two weeks?!) Not sure what’s going on or why I’ve been slacking, but it’s definitely been too long. I know what started it was when I fell and couldn’t really do much that first week, but I have no excuse since then…So maybe I’ll hit the gym or walk with my girls tonight after dinner. 
Ok. Now that I got that out of the way, I’ll talk about what I really wanted to blog about today. Exposing myself. I can’t believe I’m even considering it. I’ve read several blogs of courageous women who shared a photo of their body. The way it is right now. They also wrote all the things they love about their body. When I saw the first one, I thought to myself “I could never do that”. In fact, I had the same exact thought when I saw the second one. and the third. And so on. There are a lot of reasons why I thought I would never do it. I don’t like the way my body looks. I’m modest. I have stretch marks. I’m pale. I could write a novel on all the things I don’t like about it. I’ve mentioned before that I have been taking bare belly photos of myself since the beginning, but don’t feel comfortable posting them just yet. I guess I’m waiting until my body no longer looks like that to post it for the world to see, but what does that accomplish really? I’ll be able to say “that WAS me” instead of “this IS me” ? So? They’re ALL me, whether I’m fat or not, it’s still ME. I think a part of me is scared that I’ll give up – quit like I always have – and not see thing losing weight thing through. Then what? Then I’ve bared myself to the world for nothing? I don’t know if any of this makes sense, but what triggered these thoughts was MizFit’s post this morning and it’s had me thinking about this all day. And really considering exposing myself.
So, we’ll see. I’m spending today just reacquainting myself with my body.
Looking at it from a different perspective.
Trying to recognize the parts that I do truly love regardless of my size.
I guess THAT’s the whole point, huh?
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
First, congrats on your loss! Yahoo! AND YES, get back to your workouts! The longer we stay away, the harder it is to get back so I hope your weight loss has spurred you back to the exercising! Yes, walk with your daughters! And the gym too!
I would say that, wouldn’t I!
On MizFit, I saw the posts too. I find that even hard to do where I am… the pics on my blog, when I first did that, it was hard & I am in decent shape. I can imagine that I would be brave enough to do what these awesome women did when I was heavier. Amazing, isn’t it!
Your last two sentences: Trying to recognize the parts that I do truly love regardless of my size. I guess THAT’s the whole point, huh?
That is the hard part for sure!
Keep up the good work! How is the shoulder injury?
I concur with Jody–great loss (it’s a psychological thing, huh?), and get back to moving–either the gym or a walk. Im proud of you for even considering posting your pics. I think that shows how far you’ve already come–think you would have considered it before? Probably not, I’d say…
Wonderful loss! I think that the picture thing is intensely personal. For me, I not only think about right now, but pictures on the internet never go away – so is that something you want floating around for a long time?
I’m totally not against anyone posting those, but that’s just something my paranoid self thinks about!
Josie I think you are doing great. 20 pounds feels like a real accomplishment, doesn’t it? I think that loving ourselves regardless of our size is one of the keys to making long lasting changes. You are doing that and it shows. I also encourage you to start moving again. It doesn’t have to be long or hard, even a gentle walk can help to get things moving. I always feel better after a workout – even if it is a light one. As far as the photos go, you gotta trust your instincts and only do what you are comfortable with….
I want to thank you so much for your supportive comments on my blog and over at daily mile. I really appreciate your support.
Josie, I have mixed emotions about the exposing yourself pictures. I have seen these on a number of blogs, including Mizfit’s, and like Diane, I wonder how many of those people will regret that down the road. That being said, it is a powerful statement about where you are that you are considering it. I also think that there are many things for each of us to be happy with no matter where we are at. I am not opposed to anyone posting their pictures like that, I just hope they are all considering the permanency of their decision. If I were to do something like this, I think I would do it with a picture I was more comfortable posting and that wouldn’t come back to haunt me. I think the message is still just as effective.
That is just my two cents worth.
Now, on to the more important thing – congratulations on losing that mysterious half pound! That is fantastic! I agree with you though, you need to get back to exercising. It will only make it all better, no matter how good it is now.
I agree with Jody, the longer I go without exercise, the harder it is to get back in the grove.
And thanks that you want to EAT my blog! I laughed out loud at that one!
20 pounds GONE! Congrats!
That’s probably the only reason I take a picture of my scale on weigh in day – I want to show that I am losing weight, but not quite ready to expose myself just yet!
Thank you all for your input. I honestly hadn’t thought about the permanent-ness of it, so I’m really thankful to those of you who brought it up. Self-consciousness aside, I am a very modest woman, so posing in my skivvies or a bathing suit would never happen online. My idea of exposing myself would be me fully dressed, just pulling my shirt up enough to show my bare belly. That is incredibly scary to me still and I’m not sure I’m at a place where I can yet. I am, however, making it a goal of mine … to work through whatever misgivings I have regarding my body so that I can look at it and truly be thankful for all it has to offer me. I look at these other women who have ‘exposed’ themselves and have the utmost admiration for the sheer courage it took to do it. That self appreciation is something I hope to achieve someday and this blog is a big part of what’s helping me get there. Thanks again everyone – now, I’m off to go for that evening walk I promised!
I have mixed feelings about those as well, but I also think that it can be liberating to post those. To really show yourself is to accept yourself.
I think that most important thing..is that you expose your body to your soul. That’s what it did for me. I have spent about eight years hating my body while dieting. I think that many times there’s a huge disconnect between our bodies and our souls. If you do or if you don’t put a picture up…I hope that you find peace and love with where you’re at and where you’re going
~M
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