We celebrated my mom’s birthday today and since I volunteered to make the cake, we had all sorts of sweet temptations lurking in my home all weekend…and I’m happy to report that I resisted it all. Well, I may or may not have had a lick or two of icing, but yeah.

It was the first cake I’ve baked since taking on this challenge to lose weight. I could have refused and just asked my sister to get a cake or something so that I wouldn’t have that kind of temptation here, but that wouldn’t be confronting my struggles now would it? Everyone seemed to like it…the top heart shaped layer was covered in coconut, my mom’s favorite. Speaking of my mom, here she is with my two daughters:

So, happy birthday Mom and thanks for all you do! ♥

I haven’t worked out since Friday evening because my ankle started bothering me. I have an old injury that I think flared up because of all the walking/jogging I did last week. So I decided to wrap it and stay off of it for the weekend which has helped a lot. I plan to be at the gym bright and early tomorrow morning to get this week started off good like I did last week. I have another 5K (walk for wishes) next Saturday and my goal is to beat my previous time.

Hope you all had a great weekend…mine was a bit trying but I think I came out stronger for it. Tomorrow is my weigh-in and if my sneak peek on the scale this morning holds true, then tomorrow will be a very good day for me indeed!

33.1 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(1) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

The other day I read a post over at Kim’s blog about how a comment by her coach caused her to panic and start gaining weight again. One of the things I love about Kim’s blog is how open and honest she is and in her comments I wrote:

I can completely relate to why that comment would send you on such a downward spiral. I love your honesty and how you share so many of your emotions here with us…I’ve been so reluctant to get ‘emotional’ on my blog, I guess because I’m scared to put myself out there like that. It’s difficult though to try to keep the physical separated from the mental – they are so intertwined. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself with us!

Part of her reply was this (You can read the whole convo here):

I don’t mean to say that sharing as I have is not without risk. It is risky. But I guess ultimately, I want change, lasting change, more than I want to hold that stuff that binds me up in.

Since I started my blog in September of last year, I’ve been reluctant to allow myself to get too “emotional” here…to share too much about ME. It’s fairly easy for me to post what I’ve eaten or talk about my workouts and such, but to post actual real life emotions is a part of me that I wasn’t sure I was ready to expose yet. It’s a risk I wasn’t willing to take. I mean, I sent the link to my blog to practically everyone I know, family and friends alike, so it’s not like I’m completely anonymous here talking to a bunch of people I’ll likely never meet.

So I’ve been asking myself the last few days which do I want more? That “lasting change” Kim was referring to? Or do I want to continue to keep this stuff hidden within pretending like it doesn’t exist? While the former is certainly risky, the latter is a bit dishonest to my readers and myself, is it not?

Well, yesterday I received a message that completely threw me off for the whole day. Not because of what it said, but rather, my perception of what it said. I don’t want to post the exact message here because it was sent to me privately, but I feel I must write about it because of how it relates to my journey here. The message came from someone who’s been a good friend of mine for a lot of years. I admire and respect her and she’s been very supportive of me through this weight loss journey. In her message, she had written the word “HUGE” and somehow I managed to grab that word and hold onto it like none of the other words in her message mattered. I somehow glossed over her real intent, her motive, and the context of what she really was saying. All I saw was HUGE and for some reason I immediately thought she was calling me huge. It didn’t make sense to me. I re-read the message several times but all I kept seeing was that word “HUGE” (which was capitalized in the message). I couldn’t understand why anyone, especially a good friend, would call me that. Why would she feel the need to insinuate such when she knows how hard I’ve been working to get non-huge? This message really got into my head yesterday in a bad way. It was devastating.

Then my perception had a head-on collision with reality. She wasn’t calling me huge – AT ALL. Without going into specifics, she was calling something else huge, but somehow I was able to extrapolate the absolute worst scenario and go almost the entire day thinking she thought I was huge.

So I’m left wondering how deep my weight issues must really be to have let my perception get so warped like that. This journey isn’t just about calories eaten, pounds lost, and miles walked…it’s about so much more. As such, my blog must be an honest reflection of that. If I don’t address the emotions behind my eating, and the deep rooted weight issues that I obviously have, I don’t think I can be successful at this. I’m grateful to Kim for helping me realize the importance of sharing this part of my journey with you all.

33.1 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(1) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

Image by Pippa!

Wow, it’s that time again for another Perfect 10 Update…can you believe we’re already done with Week 4??

Here were my Perfect 10 Goals and how I faired on each of them this week:

• Walk 100 miles over the course of the 10 weeks. This will help keep me on track to reach 500 for the year. I walked and/or jogged SIXTEEN miles this week! That’s the most for me so far in one week. So I really did some catching up this week. This brings my total for the year to 30.5 miles.
• Continue the C25K program, doing it at least 3 days per week until completed.MAJOR success
• Start riding my bike. No time or distance restraints for this. This one is purely just to get over my fear and DO it…at least once and I’ll be happy. Success – See this post.
• Not drink ANY soda. This is also a goal for the year. So far so good! It’s been 123 days since I’ve had ANY soda.
• Participate in (3) 5k races. This will help keep me on track to do 12 for the year. I did the Calusa Bug Chase 5K last weekend and am registered for the Walk for Wishes on Feb. 6th. I still need to find a 3rd.
• Start a garden. Still haven’t started yet, but I do havea plan!
• Go to bed by 11:00 on work nights, but preferably 10:00. Succeeded 5 out of 5 nights!
• Sign up for Karate (or another martial art if Karate isn’t available) Had to put this on hold for a little while due to finances and time restraints.
• Go to the gym at least 3 times per week.I went FOUR times this week, two of which were in the same day.
• Stay within my budget every month (using YNAB) This is a yearly goal as well. Doing well here.
• Read the Bible each day using this plan. Another yearly goal. I have a lot of catching up to do on this.

Had a GREAT week fitness wise. WOW, probably the most intense so far. I have really been trying to push myself to go farther and faster on the treadmill. I am so determined to become a runner…someday. I just realized tonight that I don’t really have any foodie goals in the Perfect 10. Surprisingly, I’ve been doing rather well with my eating, and I hope that continues. I do want to start trying new foods, and eat more whole/organic foods, maybe I’ll work on those things in the next challenge.

The other part of this challenge is to post something that others may not have known about you. I already let the cat out of the bag to Pippa, so I told her this would be my next Perfect 10 secret so I could give more details. I have a tattoo! The tattoo is of a black cat sitting tall, with bright green eyes and a pretty pink bow. The reason I chose this design is too personal to share, however I will say that this cat completely represented me and my life at the time I got it at the ripe old age of 20. I’m no longer the same person I was 15 years ago (who is?) but I don’t regret getting it at all. Every time I look at it, I’m reminded of who I was then, who I am now, and the journey between the two. The other day when I was talking about rewards I mentioned that I already knew how I wanted to reward myself when I reach my final goal weight…well, I want another tattoo. I’ve wanted another one for years now, but have resisted because I didn’t want to get it while I was fat. I have told myself for the last decade that if I ever lost weight I’d get another one, so that’s what I intend to do! While I don’t have a specific design yet for my future tat, I’d love to get one of my girls’ faces. I have another 88 pounds to lose before I reach my goal, so I have lots of time to figure it out.

So now you know! Do you have any tattoos?

30.5 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(1) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

You all might remember when my plans got derailed and I couldn’t go to kickboxing last Thursday? Well, tonight I’m going and I am very excited! So I thought I’d focus today’s blog post on what all is involved in our kickboxing class.

Well, for starters we do a lot of kicking. Kicking to the front, to the side, to the rear. There are four steps to a proper kick, but I don’t think I could explain them in words, lol. You have to “chamber” your leg, kick, chamber again, and then bring it back down. The class is actually called “Cardio Kickboxing” so we do a lot more than just kicking exercises. We also do a lot of punching. I don’t know what each move is called, but I’m learning. While punching we jump from side to side so we’re always moving. We punch to the front, to the side, jabs, uppercuts, etc. I really like the punching part and am thinking about asking if I can take hand weights to use when I punch. We also do various other cardio stuff such as football runs and jumping jacks. I think she throws this other stuff in there to help condition us to be able to do the kicking better. She also throws in other stuff like lunges, squats, etc. It’s always a great workout (the best I get during the week) and as I’ve mentioned before, I just love going!

I debated whether or not to post these pictures. A part of me thought it was a silly thing to post, but this blog is my way of journaling this whole weight-loss experience. Much to my surprise, kickboxing has become a big part of this journey for me, so it’s only appropriate that I share them here.

I think we were doing punching exercises when those pics were taken, I don’t remember. I’m hoping my sister can get some more pictures at tonight’s class and maybe some during the kicking portion…that would be so neat to share with you all!

I’ve made good progress this week and have really done a lot to catch up on my distance goal. I’ve walked another 4 miles since I last posted. My food has also been on target. Last weekend I bought a box of sugar free popsicles because I thought at 15 calories each, they would be the perfect snack to help cool me down after workouts. All week though I felt bloated and hardly saw any movement on the scale even though I was doing everything right. Then I noticed on the box that the popsicles has something called “Sugar Alcohol”. So I did a quick wiki search and found out that sugar alcohols can cause bloating because they don’t completely digest. No wonder I was feeling bloated! So I don’t think I’ll have too many more of those. I’ll stick with my 10 calorie jello cups.

p.s. – My water bottle came in and I absofriggenlutely LOVE it! I’m kinda liking this reward stuff!

29.0 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
1 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

Well, the good news is that I went back to the gym last night which was a first for me to go twice in one day! Another first was my total mileage for the day – 6.4 miles! This brings my total so far for the year to 25.

The bad news is that am plum pooped today! And a bit sore. My left hip, especially. I haven’t mentioned this before, but my left hip has been getting sore after I jog. At first I thought it was just a normal soreness to be expected after a workout or for someone my size trying to jog…but it’s ONLY my left hip. Wouldn’t they both be sore if it were just normal soreness? It has me a little concerned that there’s something else going on with my left hip, but there’s really nothing I can do about it right now, so I’ll just try to listen to my body the best I can.

Now for the fun stuff! I’ve been reading many of your blogs and one thing I see quite frequently is that you all reward yourself once you reach certain milestones. Certainly this would do wonders for your motivation having something else to look forward to, would it not? So, I’ve decided to join in and start rewarding myself! You may recall when I reached my first milestone of losing 25 lbs back in December. Well, I’ve decided to retroactively reward myself for that with this Camelbak water bottle:

It should be here tomorrow

Here are my milestones I have listed in my right sidebar:

231: 25 Pounds lost (Reached 12/14/2009)
199: Will be my first time under 200 lbs in 14 yrs
160: Lowest weight I can remember being as an adult
156: 100 Pounds lost
135: Final Goal Weight

My next one will be when I hit what’s popularly known as “onederland”. I’m going to have to ponder what my reward will be for that and the other milestones. I will say this. I already know (have known for a while, actually) what I’d like to have once I reach my final goal weight. Stay tuned for details.

American Idol tonight, I’ll sure be glad when auditions are over and we get to the good stuff! Have a great day everyone.

25.0 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
1 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

Before I get into this week’s weigh-in results, I wanted to say a quick thank you to all of you for your supportive comments after the 5K I was in over the weekend! Some people might think it silly to pay ($20 on average) to go walk or jog 3.1 miles…I mean, this is something most people can do for free at home or as part of a gym membership. For me though, it’s very empowering. I left the race Saturday feeling invincible, like I could conquer the world! And it’s done wonders for my motivation level…For three weeks now I’ve struggled with getting up in the morning and going to the gym before work, so I’ve been having to go at night – taking time away from my family. This morning was different. I didn’t just get up in time, I was up, ready, and down at the gym doors before they even opened at 5 AM! I got a killer workout in; 4.1 miles total. I was all fired up this morning and wanted to just see how far I could jog without having to stop and do you know how far I got? A ¼ mile! Yep, one whole “lap” without having to walk! I was so stoked that I repeated it 4 times throughout the 4.1 miles…so I jogged a total of ONE mile this morning! All as a result of what I consider a success at Saturday’s 5K. Truly empowering, I tell ya, and if you’re one of the people who commented that you’ve never participated in one, I completely encourage you to find one in your area and just do it! Oh, and as far as the fee, the proceeds go to some really good causes, so it’s all good. Ya know? Now, onto those results!

I weighed in this morning at 223.0 lbs which means that I lost 2.2 pounds for the week! This brings my total lost since 9/28 to 33 pounds!

Reading Erin’s post over the weekend totally inspired me to ask my husband to help take my measurements so I can start tracking mine. (Congrats again, Erin!)

Bicep: 14 ½”
Wrist: 7 ¼”
Waist: 47 ¼”
Chest: 48 ½”
Hips: 52 ¾”
Thigh: 25 ¼”
Ankle: 18 ¼”
Calf: 10 ½”
Neck: 16”

Unfortunately I didn’t take them when I first started this in September, so I don’t have that to compare. However, I did have a few of my measurements taken 3 years ago in 2007. My weight then (239.2) was more than what I weigh now (223), but less than what I was when I started back in September (256). Anyway, here are my measurements from July 27, 2007:

Chest: 54″
Waist: 49 ½”
Hips: 54″
Thigh: 26 ½”

The most notable difference is my chest area – 5 ½”! I think I’ll start tracking this on a monthly basis so I’ll have a more accurate reflection of the change(s) as they come.

22.7 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
1 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

Today was the Calusa Bug Chase 5k that I walked/jogged in with my two daughters. Here are the three of us just before the race:

Our shoe time chip tags:

A quick picture before the start:

The beginning of the walk was along part of the trail that goes through Calusa Nature Center. It was SO beautiful.

And here was the view to our side:

Here’s my youngest daughter, Madelyn, running toward the finish line:

Here’s my oldest daughter, Marisa, right after the race:

And here’s me, running toward the finish line. Yes, running!

That may not be the most flattering picture, but I was so friggen proud of myself today that I don’t care! I walked for the first two miles and alternated between jogging and walking for the last mile, with a RUN toward the finish. I finished in just over 50 minutes, so that means I was about 7 minutes quicker today than I was for the Turkey Trot back in November. Oh, you may recall from yesterday that my biggest concern was going to be that I would be the slowest one out there. I was also concerned that there would be a time limit on the race and they would disqualify me (or us) if we didn’t finish under a certain time. Well, they didn’t disqualify us, but Marisa and I were the last ones to finish, and you know what? It didn’t bother me at all! I’m stoked that I am now able to jog as much as I am (and run at the end!) considering back in November I had doubts as to whether or not I could even WALK that far. See, it’s little improvements like this that gives me the confidence to believe that someday I will be able to run an entire 5k. I’ve still a long way to go, but if I just keep progressing, I will get there! (By the way, Madelyn ran ahead of us early on and finished in 35 minutes! I was so proud of them both!)

After the race we went to eat breakfast at Bob Evans…oh boy at all the unhealthy choices there! I did good though. I had their ‘lite eggs’ scrambled, dry wheat toast, a 1/2 slice of ham, and lowfat yogurt with fresh strawberries and bananas….mmmm was it good!

One last note. I updated yesterday’s post with a new goal for the year (and Perfect 10). Now that I’m bike riding, I’d like to bike at least 300 miles this year. So, I’ll be logging that at the bottom of my posts along with the walking and 5Ks. It will help me to keep track of it all.

18.6 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
1 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

I can’t believe we’re already into Week 3 of the year! As such, it’s time for my Perfect 10 Update.

Image by Pippa!

Here were my Perfect 10 Goals and how I faired on each of them this week:

• Walk 100 miles over the course of the 10 weeks. This will help keep me on track to reach 500 for the year. I have walked 14.5 miles so far. I’m a little behind on this, but not not too far that I can’t catch up.
• Continue the C25K program, doing it at least 3 days per week until completed.I only did this once this week.
• Start riding my bike. No time or distance restraints for this. This one is purely just to get over my fear and DO it…at least once and I’ll be happy. MAJOR success here – See this post
• Not drink ANY soda. This is also a goal for the year. So far so good! It’s been 116 days since I’ve had ANY soda.
• Participate in (3) 5k races. This will help keep me on track to do 12 for the year. I am now registered for 2 – The Calusa Bug Chase which is tomorrow and the Walk for Wishes on Feb. 6th. I still need to find a 3rd.
• Start a garden. Not yet, but I have decided to go with Square Foot Gardening at the recommendation of Steve and Karyn . (Thanks!) So at least now, I have a plan.
• Go to bed by 11:00 on work nights, but preferably 10:00. Succeeded 4 out of 5 nights.
• Sign up for Karate (or another martial art if Karate isn’t available) All signed up for my first session next Monday! See this post for more info.
• Go to the gym at least 3 times per week. Did not make it to the gym at all this week.
• Stay within my budget every month (using YNAB) This is a yearly goal as well. Doing well here.
• Read the Bible each day using this plan. Another yearly goal. I have a lot of catching up to do on this.

Overall, I’m content with where I am. As I posted yesterday and the day before, my week hadn’t really gone as planned and as a result my workouts suffered. I had good intentions, but in the end I had to find the balance between family and this new lifestyle of mine, and family will always be my first priority. I did get a lot accomplished though between walking the bridge, fitting into size 20 jeans, and riding a bike finally.

Also, in case you missed it above, I am participating in my first 5k of the year tomorrow at the Calusa Nature Center. It’s called the Calusa Bug Chase and it’s sponsored by the Kiwanis. The reason it’s called “Bug Chase” is because the proceeds go to help their “Bug” program which stands for Bringing Up Grades. It also coincides with the Nature Center’s “Creepy Crawlie Day” tomorrow. (Looks like fun, eh? ) However, when I signed up, there was no option to sign up as a walker; only as a runner. So I am kinda sorta (okay, maybe A LOT) nervous about being the slowest one out there. I am not letting that stop me from going though. The good part is that both of my daughters wanted to do it with me, so I will not be alone. At least if I’m last, we’ll all be last together.

The other part of this challenge is to post something that others may not have known about you. I’ll keep it simple and just share another of my fears – escalators. I saw a movie a long time ago that showed a woman dying a gruesome death in one and ever since then I’ve feared them. I will get on one, but I have to remain completely still, staring down at one spot, holding on to the side the entire time. It freaks me out even more to see people walking up or down them.

Update: I have decided to add a new goal for the year and for the Perfect 10 as well. I’d like to bike 300 miles for the year. I hope to have ridden 50 miles by the end of the Perfect 10.

14.5 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)

I can’t wait to tell you about how great my evening was last night!

Before I left work I got an email from Lynne telling me that her and two other friends were going to be walking later in the evening and asked if I’d like to join them at around 8:15. This time was perfect for me because my daughter’s performance would be over by 7:45, so I said “SURE!”. I was concerned I wouldn’t get any exercise in last night, so this was great news.

So I got off of work and went down to the Target shopping center to walk while I was waiting for my husband and girls to get there. We were going to eat at Chik-Fil-A before her performance started. So I got a good mile walk in before they got there. Going good so far, right?

So we head on over to Chik-Fil-A and they were PACKED. Not an empty booth in the place and people were lined everywhere! Ugh. Looks like we’ll have to find a Plan B…So we looked around at other places and the consensus of my family was Five Guys. I ordered a grilled cheese (430 calories) and had roughly 10-15 fries…which isn’t bad considering THIS was how much they gave us:

This is one example of just how much I’ve changed. I’ll openly admit that before I started this journey to lose weight, Five Guys was one of my favorites. The burgers are the biggest, greasiest, and cheesiest and I loved every artery clogging bite of ‘em. And their servings of fries as shown above were very appealing to a fry lover such as myself. (That’s not including all the ones in the bag; they always put an extra scoop in the bag) But, now that I’ve lost 31 pounds and trying to loose 90 more, it’s just not for me anymore. My husband isn’t dieting and neither are my children, so it’s hard to say “no” when the consensus is a place like this. Ideally, they need to be eating healthier too, but this isn’t an ideal world, ya know?

After we ate, I got a phone call from Lynne. She was letting me know that they were planning on riding bikes, not walking and wanted to know if I still wanted to come. I said “well, that’s one way to get over a fear!” and I agreed to ride with them. (For those of you who might not know, I have had a silly fear of riding a bike. One of my New Year’s and Perfect 10 goals was to get over this fear and ride one.) Lynne said she had an extra bike I could ride. After my daughter’s performance I headed over there where I met up with Lynne, Angela, and Mindy. It was my first time meeting Angela. I had met Mindy once before, so it was nice getting to know both of them!

I was so nervous to get on the bike. I was sweating before I even started because I’ve always been afraid I’d fall and make a fool of myself. I know it sounds irrational, but aren’t most fears? I hadn’t ridden a bike since I was in middle school! So I just got on, pedaled, and went! It was great. The four of us rode for 6.4 miles! And I didn’t fall once. I did get the living crap scared out of me by an owl! Hey, I thought it was a plastic decoration on a mailbox, so it freaked me out when it flew off as I approached it!

I can’t express how genuinely happy I was last night…the whole experience of riding the bike combined with spending time with an old friend and making new ones was just…amazing. We think we want to start doing it on a more regular basis and I hope we do!

Now to tell you about tonight and another way I can tell that I’ve changed. As you all know, I have really enjoyed the kickboxing class I’ve been going to every Thursday now for a few weeks. Honestly, it’s the hardest workout I get during the week, because I have someone there pushing me, so I really look forward to Thursday nights for this reason. Well, I’m not going tonight and it really bummed me out…to the point where was very close to tears. If I ever needed evidence of the change within me, that was the moment right there. Six months ago I never, ever would have guessed that not being able to go to KICKBOXING would cause me to cry. If anything, I would have cried had someone tried to make me go! LOL So I won’t be getting that awesomely great workout tonight and that’s ok, because I will be spending some time with my mother (much overdue!).

If this week has taught me anything it’s that I’m still learning to find the balance between family and working out. It’s tough, but I’m getting there. Baby steps!

14.5/500

I had really good intentions this week, but have failed miserably on the execution of all said plans.

Let’s start with Monday. I purposely decided that I wouldn’t do any exercise on Monday because I wanted to get up and go to the gym early Tuesday morning. It’s always hard for me to workout at night and then wake up and go right back. I figured if I took Monday night “off” of exercise and went to bed by 10:00 I’d be all fresh and ready to workout out Tuesday AM. Well, I did get to bed by 10 pm Mon. night, and I even got up at 5 am on Tuesday to go the gym. The problem? I didn’t actually make it to the gym. I just farted around the house and found other things to do until it was time to get ready for work. Epic fail. So, I just told myself “It’s ok as long as you go tonight after work”. Until later in the day when I looked at the calendar and realized that my daughter had a Clogging performance that night. Doh!

So here we are on Wednesday, 2 days before the Perfect 10 Update, and I’ve not done any exercise since Saturday. Agh! The good thing here is that I recognize that this is a problem that needs to be rectified soon. My daughter has another performance tonight, and I’ll have like an hour and a half from the time I get off work till the time I need to be there, so I’m going to use that time to walk/jog. (Update: I just got invited to workout with Lynne and two others this evening after my daughter’s performance. Yay!)

I’m also going to make myself get up tomorrow morning and go to the gym before work and then tomorrow night is kickboxing. (I actually look forward to the kickboxing every week now!)

Food wise, I’m doing pretty solid. Still no soda. Drinking lots of water. Eating the right portions. No major snackage slip ups. There’s always room for improvement, but I’m doing good.

In goal related news, you may recall that one of my New Years (and Perfect 10) goals is to join a karate class. I have done some calling around and research and I have decided the place I’ll be going to is called Kurokawa Martial Arts. I’ll be going for my first private lesson next Monday. I’m hella excited. Nervous, but excited.

14.5/500