The other day I read a post over at Kim’s blog about how a comment by her coach caused her to panic and start gaining weight again. One of the things I love about Kim’s blog is how open and honest she is and in her comments I wrote:
I can completely relate to why that comment would send you on such a downward spiral. I love your honesty and how you share so many of your emotions here with us…I’ve been so reluctant to get ‘emotional’ on my blog, I guess because I’m scared to put myself out there like that. It’s difficult though to try to keep the physical separated from the mental – they are so intertwined. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself with us!
Part of her reply was this (You can read the whole convo here):
I don’t mean to say that sharing as I have is not without risk. It is risky. But I guess ultimately, I want change, lasting change, more than I want to hold that stuff that binds me up in.
Since I started my blog in September of last year, I’ve been reluctant to allow myself to get too “emotional” here…to share too much about ME. It’s fairly easy for me to post what I’ve eaten or talk about my workouts and such, but to post actual real life emotions is a part of me that I wasn’t sure I was ready to expose yet. It’s a risk I wasn’t willing to take. I mean, I sent the link to my blog to practically everyone I know, family and friends alike, so it’s not like I’m completely anonymous here talking to a bunch of people I’ll likely never meet.
So I’ve been asking myself the last few days which do I want more? That “lasting change” Kim was referring to? Or do I want to continue to keep this stuff hidden within pretending like it doesn’t exist? While the former is certainly risky, the latter is a bit dishonest to my readers and myself, is it not?
Well, yesterday I received a message that completely threw me off for the whole day. Not because of what it said, but rather, my perception of what it said. I don’t want to post the exact message here because it was sent to me privately, but I feel I must write about it because of how it relates to my journey here. The message came from someone who’s been a good friend of mine for a lot of years. I admire and respect her and she’s been very supportive of me through this weight loss journey. In her message, she had written the word “HUGE” and somehow I managed to grab that word and hold onto it like none of the other words in her message mattered. I somehow glossed over her real intent, her motive, and the context of what she really was saying. All I saw was HUGE and for some reason I immediately thought she was calling me huge. It didn’t make sense to me. I re-read the message several times but all I kept seeing was that word “HUGE” (which was capitalized in the message). I couldn’t understand why anyone, especially a good friend, would call me that. Why would she feel the need to insinuate such when she knows how hard I’ve been working to get non-huge? This message really got into my head yesterday in a bad way. It was devastating.
Then my perception had a head-on collision with reality. She wasn’t calling me huge – AT ALL. Without going into specifics, she was calling something else huge, but somehow I was able to extrapolate the absolute worst scenario and go almost the entire day thinking she thought I was huge.
So I’m left wondering how deep my weight issues must really be to have let my perception get so warped like that. This journey isn’t just about calories eaten, pounds lost, and miles walked…it’s about so much more. As such, my blog must be an honest reflection of that. If I don’t address the emotions behind my eating, and the deep rooted weight issues that I obviously have, I don’t think I can be successful at this. I’m grateful to Kim for helping me realize the importance of sharing this part of my journey with you all.
33.1 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(1) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Josie, I feel privileged that you are ready and willing to share a little bit more of yourself with us here. It takes one kind of guts to do something like a 5K, and it takes a whole other kind of guts to share your emotions with people. Way to go, brave lady!
The sharing of the running is definitely easier than the sharing of the emotions for sure!
I agree that it can be difficult to write about the emotions behind our weight or body image, etc. It’s why I chose to use a variant on my real name when I started my weight loss blog. I don’t want my family and friends reading it, or at least not right now. Even though I haven’t been super-emotional, I like knowing that I can be honest on the blog without worrying how someone close to me will take it.
It really is hard to be emotional on our blogs. We have this fear of what others will think of us. But, it could also help us to clean out our baggage and possible help us heal, especially with some of these wonder bloggers who have become our friends and extended family.
There was been several times where I’ve come close to getting REALLY emotional, even when most of my “real life” friends and my family don’t know it exists. It’s been hard b/c while I have an awesome support system online, in real life there is alot of indifference and criticism of what I am trying to do.
It is important to get this stuff out there though, if we keep it bottled in we aren’t going to accomplish anything.
I’m so proud of you!
There is freedom in openness.
Josie, there is so much emotional baggage behind all these weight issues. SO MUCH! I have some I never got rid of after all these years. The one weird thing about me, I have been successful at my weight loss & maintenance without really ridding myself of the emotional baggage. I know that so maybe that is why I can keep the weight off & keep trying to improve OR/AND it is because I have so much emotional baggage tied up with this , I never want to feel wholly that way again. At least where I am now, I am not the fat girl BUT I still have the probs liking myself!
I congratulate you on heading this face on!
Time for you to be my inspiration, Josie! (Well, more so than you have been already) it is so tough to speak of your emotions, especially when people you know and love will read/see what you’re experiencing. But for you to take that head on will be so valuable–both for your own weight loss journey and ours! Thanks for pushing us all!
I think we can sometimes become indifferent or even jaded to people who have anything to say about our journey. No one else lives in our bodies, they don’t know the root of our emotional ties to food/laziness/etc, so they don’t know just how difficult it really can be sometimes. That is where this blogging thing comes in so handy. There are other people out there who struggle with the exact same things I do! Holy crap! Really?! That’s how I felt when I read my first WL blog…
I don’t have a lot of real life support outside of my trainer. My parents are indifferent and my son is just starting to get to the age where he understands that Cheetos are called JUNK food for a reason. Now that you bring this up, I will say a really good friend of mine criticized my blog a few weeks ago. You know what my first reaction was? COMPLETE ANGER. How dare he? He should know, above almost anyone in my real life, how far I’ve come! I ignored the message for weeks. Your vent got me thinking, and I actually responded to him yesterday. I never posted anything to my own blog because it is VERY personal to convey our emotions, and despite the ever so slight anonymity we have in the blogosphere, I just didn’t want to create drama in my friendship with him. I had to regroup and revisit his words, and even though I still don’t appreciate his criticisms of my chosen support method, I have reminded myself that he’s entitled to his opinion and that he doesn’t have to agree with me. My journey is my own, just as your journey is your own. Love ya, girl!
I have to say I don’t tell how I’m feeling often. Reason is that I’ve had negative experiences in the past by telling how I felt or what I thought which turned against me later. It had to do with family.
That’s why my family doesn’t know I blog, except for my partner, he knows and reads it. Only a few friends know I blog and they read it too but don’t comment. I’ve been blogging for 6 months now and am finally more secure enough to tell more about myself.
Josie,
Wow! What can I say. Knowing that somehow my words encouraged you to step out is humbling and timely after a week of hell last week. Guess I shouldn’t have challenged Satan head on? Oh well, anyway…thank you! I can’t say much else but that! You are doing fantastic and I can’t wait to read more!
You’ve read my blog, right? So you know that I’m the queen of sharing/being honest and emotional. Seriously. I’ve shared more of what I’m thinking and feeling and my emotions good and bad than I ever expected. And not once have I regretted it. I don’t think you will either.
A word on negative feedback…. You probably will get it, eventually. I’ve had my share of people telling me what to do, saying mean things, and such. Sometimes it can ruin my whole day even though it’s someone I don’t know saying it. But when that happens there is also 10 times as much positive reaction and help. So in the end it’s worth it.
I’ve also wondered at what point (if at all) I would get emotional and REALLY SHARE in my blog. I know that so much of my weight is on me because of my emotions (rather, how I’ve managed my emotions). I try so hard to stay focused on the “daily routine” that sometimes I fear being distracted from that. When I started blogging I had a huge conflict because I felt that there needed to be an entire place for the emotions but the blog’s entire purpose (my weight loss journey) may have gotten lost. A friend of mine who knows me very well asked where I was putting that stuff. I mean, emotions are just “so Lynne”.
Reading your most recent post makes me think… a lot… I may have to reconsider a few things myself.
I love you girl! I also miss you. I hope we can connect this week for an earlier evening work out.
Josie, whether we want it to affect us or not, things like this do. In fact, I deliberately try to avoid saying things with those big words. I don’t always succeed, but I try to. The reason is simple – when we are battling emotional and physical issues, it is best to not have to deal with more than necessary. If my use of one of those words causes someone to have a bad day, and I know better, shame on me.
RcBjSX thsgcdywnccm, [url=http://xxctbtejhdse.com/]xxctbtejhdse[/url], [link=http://oeyzoemnwctn.com/]oeyzoemnwctn[/link], http://pfarzxxkfmyi.com/
UniGSj evista online woqKTG exelon world shipping piXrCC exelon no prescription QEylxb famvir canadian IShpBV famvir 50mg MWvZoD feldene world shipping tUWsYK feldene side-effects
Bk0MRJ uzjugcuxbmxu, [url=http://wxoufyptnrkp.com/]wxoufyptnrkp[/url], [link=http://faekhlxdlmlf.com/]faekhlxdlmlf[/link], http://lskfaxgqhybe.com/
kvDRTFCMO Casino 5 3KnAwqErsc Casino Soft 5fxH7VKUB Peppermill Hotel Casino lD8b2fFw4 Acoustic Alchemy Casino 9kEwDTq08 Casino Arizona 43BQybSihs Maxima Casino jcvhGXxAKr Casino Offer WUAEj9M36 Casino Server
kVyso75uY Casualty pGqFURsjr Life Insurance Policies 1jeVBvbf8R Insurance Uk 37Rt416EX Indemnity qhm8dce3j Russian Insurance sFBznQrwu dental insurance oWkChzfrIV self employed health insurance QvZCeND8Ol cobra health insurance