Before I get to today’s post, if you haven’t read Craig’s latest blog yet, you should. Really, it’s refreshingly honest and touching. I know I can relate and I’m sure most of you can too. At first, he debated even posting it and several readers encouraged him to, including me. I was reminded of the House episode from the other night about a blogger who fell ill. You can read a synopsis of this episode here. When learning that she needed a heart valve transplant, her first response was to ask her readers for advice. Her boyfriend discouraged her from doing it because he was tired of their lives being so exposed on her blog. She said “If I start to pick and choose now, then I’m not being honest”. That really hit home for me and caused me to really think not just about how much I share here but also all the things I don’t share. So when I read that Craig wasn’t sure if he should post what he had in mind because it was so personal and revealing, it made me think of the series of posts that I had been considering that were also personal and revealing. So, I made a deal with him. I told him if he posted his, I would start mine. Well, he posted his, and I’m a woman of my word, so I’ll be starting a new blog series in the next week or so. I’m still working on a title, but the content is almost done. I can tell you this. It totally fits in with today’s post below.

Now onto today’s post!

On my Progress Pictures page, you’ll notice that I have always posted a picture of me wearing a white tank top and black shorts, while looking straight to the camera. (Boring, huh?) What that page doesn’t show is that I have also been taking a variety of other pictures all along as well. Pictures from the side, pictures from the rear, pictures of my bare belly, close-ups of my arms, legs, and face. I haven’t been posting these other views for a few reasons. Part of it is OCD and the fact that I didn’t want my pictures page to become too overcrowded. Another reason is modesty. I had considered sharing the bare belly photos of me a while back during the “Exposed” craze, but didn’t because I realized I was far too modest to be that exposed yet. I guess the biggest reason I hadn’t posted these other views was because up until now, there wasn’t really a major difference in the before and after, so I thought “What’s the point?”

Well, here is a side view of me as I was on September 28, 2009 (Day 1 of this journey) and me as I was on March 8, 2010 (Day 161 of this journey):

I can see a difference, can you? It’s weird, because when I look at my current photo by itself, I see a fat girl with belly rolls and cellulite. But something funny happens when I put the two together…I see a much healthier girl. A girl with a little bit of muscle definition just starting to appear. A girl whose collarbones are now visible for the first time in over a decade. A girl whose double chin has all but disappeared. (Score!) My face is starting to look different, more defined. My posture is better.

This realization is a pretty awesome feeling – one I’m NOT used to and one that’s hard to put into words – but that’s what I intend to do over the next few weeks. I hope to benefit greatly from this new series I’m starting and hopefully some of you will too.

Edited to add:

Check out the $50 shopping spree giveaway on Mary’s Weight Loss Blog! I can win a $50 Shopping Spree Giveaway from iHerb.com and so can you! Click here for contest details! I hope I win because their pancake mix looks delicious!

85.6 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
14.9 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(3) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

I’ve been meaning to tell this story now for a few days, but have been otherwise preoccupied, so here goes.

Thursday night we went to the fair. Now, I have to tell you I was SO looking forward to going to the fair this year being 43 lbs lighter. In years past, there were a lot of rides that I just wouldn’t fit on, namely any ride that locks you in over your head/chest. So in past years I’d just settle for rides that didn’t have the over-the-head locking mechanism. It was just always kinda sad for me because I love roller coasters and scary thriller rides. So, needless to say, I was super excited to go this year 43 lbs lighter in anticipation of riding some of those rides, and one in particular: The “Speed” ride.

I’ve seen this ride in action before and it looked spectacularly scary. My kind of ride! It takes its passengers about 121 feet in the air while spinning them around and the entire arm also spins an entire 360 degrees.

It’s considered a ’specialty’ ride at our fair, which meant that you couldn’t use your armband to ride it. (We purchased armbands for unlimited rides). This ride only took tickets…ten of them for $11. I paid my $11 and waited patiently in line until the attendant told me ‘hop on up’. So I did. Here he is ‘locking me in’ my seat:

I fit! I really fit! So, I asked him to be sure, “I’m locked in, right?” and he said “yes” and came over and gave it another push to be sure.

Whew.

Ok, here we go.

The ride starts and awaaaaay we go! It was AWESOME. When we got all the way to the top, I was literally hanging there, looking down at my husband and kids and just thinking about how incredibly awesome that moment was. Here’s a picture my hubby snapped of me in that moment:

It didn’t last long.

We did two whole spins and then felt the ride slow down. The girl behind me said she didn’t know why we were slowing down, the ride was much longer than that. When we came to stop, the attendant came right up to me, pointed, and said “you gotta come off, you’re not locked in all the way”.

WHAT?!?!

He said, “yea, and I don’t want to get sued.”

I said “Well, I don’t want to DIE!”

So, that was it for my “Speed” ride experience. I mean, I heard it click in, but I guess it wasn’t ” locked”? I think I’m lucky it didn’t come undone while I was 121 ft in the air?!

After I got off the ride I quickly walked to my family and went on to finish our fair experience. I was trying not to be upset or embarrassed, but truthfully I was both. How could I not have been? I didn’t even think to ask for a refund or anything either, I was in such a hurry to move along, ya know?

Well, I can tell you one thing. I WILL lose the rest of this weight so that I never have this problem again…and you can take that to the bank!

Here’s the video of me going around in it and quickly coming to stop. You can even hear my husband say “that’s it?” He didn’t know why it was stopping so soon either.

80.6 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
13.9 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(3) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

I’ve decided to join the Weekend Warriors Challenge being offered by Brandon.

Weekends are my weakness when it comes to exercise. Don’t get me wrong, I’m active and I get out and do stuff, but I rarely go to the gym on the weekends or purposefully exercise -that’s always been reserved for the workweek. So this challenge will be good for me and might also prove to be beneficial to my weigh-ins, which are always on Mondays, right at the close of the weekend.

The rules are simple; Set 2-3 health/fitness related goals each weekend and report our progress on Monday. Here are the three things I want to accomplish this weekend so I can be a warrior!

1. Work out Friday night (something I never do) for at least 30 minutes.
2. Map out and walk/run 3 miles on Sunday. If any of my local friends read this and want to do this together, let me know!
3. Limit myself to 1 glass of tea each day. (I’ve noticed that I’ve been drinking way too much tea on the weekends and not enough water.)

So those are my goals. I should also point out that I should be getting a fair amount of exercise in on Saturday as well. I’ll be doing the Hope, Love, & Faith MS 5K Run/Walk first thing Saturday morning. By the way, my goal for this one is to complete it in less than 50 minutes. I think/hope this is reachable since I’ve been increasing my pace lately. Then, Saturday night, we’ll be in yet another parade:

This will be the Celebrate Cape Coral parade, and I’ll again be walking (as a snowflake) along with my daughter’s float. The route is about 2 miles long, I think, so that’ll be a total of about 5 miles for Saturday alone.

Now for an update on my mom; thank you to everyone for all the well wishes and prayers you sent our way. The surgery went well and she’s recovering. There were some issues yesterday with her blood pressure. It was at 72/38 when she came out of surgery and they couldn’t get it to go up until around 6:30 last night, but at least it did finally go up. When I called her this morning, she informed me that she had ran a fever all night, so hopefully they’re able to stop the fever and she doesn’t run into any more issues. There was a rather emotional moment yesterday. After surgery, the three of us were just sitting in her room and she was talking her weight and she said she was so proud of me and my sister for losing the weight we have to be healthy so that we won’t end up with a lot of the health issues she has. She said she only wished someone would have told her years ago how it would have affected her life because she would have made changes a long time ago, not only for herself, but she also said she would have fed us differently as children. I don’t blame my mother in the least and I told her she had nothing to apologize for. It was just the kind of moment that sticks with you though and makes me even more committed to this new lifestyle of mine, not just for me, but for MY children. Ya know?

72.5 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
13.9 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(2) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

I was scanning some old photos tonight and came across a couple gems I wanted to share, I hope you don’t mind.

As you can see, my love of pasta began at a very early age!

Of course there was also this picture:

Yes, that’s me sitting on my dad’s weight bench (those are my sisters standing on either side of me). Seeing this picture tonight sparked something in me. I’d really like to start doing some strength training soon. Maybe the next picture you see of me on a weight bench, I will actually be using the weights.

I just wanted to share those pictures because I think each one depicts something relevant to my weight loss…one is a reflection of my past habits and the other a reflection of my future habits (hopefully).

Today was awesome. I met up with Lynne and we both got a great workout on the treadmill. Having her there really motivated me and made me push myself harder than I ever have before. I reached two milestones today…I ran a whole half mile before having to stop to walk AND I completed a mile in under 14 minutes. (13:39 to be exact) Thank you SO much Lynne for being such a source of inspiration!

While in the car, Lynne and I were talking about our journeys and how we’re trying to inspire our children to live healthier. She brought up this article about a guy who’s doing the same, by allowing his son to run with him, he’s teaching his son that running is ‘normal’. I LOVE that concept and that’s a lot of what I’m trying to accomplish here too. I grew up on good ole’ southern fried food and surrounded by overweight family members. Seriously, just about everyone in my family has weight issues. THAT was my normal. So, here I am now trying to break that cycle of obesity that has plagued my family, if not for me, then for my children. Introducing them to new healthy foods and trying to encourage them to be more active. Madelyn really enjoyed doing the 5k with me. Marisa is in P.E. in school and is really liking it. This is what I’m trying to foster in them…to teach them that being active is normal. Eating healthy is normal. Being fit is normal.

69.85 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
13.9 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(2) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

This morning I weighed in at 219.8 lbs which is the same as it was last Monday. That’s zero lost this week, so I’m still at 36.2 pounds lost total.

I guess the lesson I learned this week is that every choice matters. I had six really good days this week. On those days I ate really well, pushed myself in the gym, had kickboxing class and did a 5K. But I also had one off day, remember? And I suppose all the good work I did this week wasn’t enough to make up for that one day I veered. Every choice matters. The choices I made that day to overeat, to eat unhealthy, and not to exercise, MATTERED.

It’s times like these that confirm in my mind that I’ll never be that girl that can just casually eat a cookie, or overindulge one night without ramifications. From the time I started this I had full intentions of making this a lifelong commitment, not a “diet” that would end once I reached a certain weight. But even so, there was always a part of me that hoped that someday I’d be able to indulge in some of the things I’m not right now. That someday it’d be ok to have some birthday cake at parties instead of always passing. That someday it’d be ok to just have a burger every now and then. Now I’m not so sure I’ll ever be able to indulge like that. It’s difficult to see other people who can eat till their hearts content and not think twice about it. Yesterday we were working on the float for my daughter’s clogging team and someone brought McDonalds for everyone for lunch. It was awful nice of them, but of course there were no salads or grilled chicken wraps, ya know? Just burgers, so of course I declined. Meanwhile all these skinny minnies around me are scarfing burgers and fries down. It’s just not fair, I say in my best whiny voice. But, I accept it for what it is so I will continue down this path to a healthier lifestyle. Right now, no other option even seems feasible for me. (What does that say about how my whole mindset has changed?)

Remember a few weeks ago when I tried on some size 20 jeans and they fit? Well, I went shopping last night to buy them because all of my pants have just gotten way too loose. It was time. Well, guess what? The 20’s didn’t fit anymore, so I had to buy these:

SIZE 18W!

I haven’t been a size 18 in YEARS. I’m really stoked about this – it made today’s weigh-in results much easier to swallow!

And just for fun, here I was several months ago, before I ever started this journey, wearing size 24 jeans:

And here I was last night, holding the same jeans:

You can also see this week’s regular progress pics here.

49.6 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
13.9 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(2) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

Image by Pippa!

Can’t believe we’re already through Week 5…it’s time again for another Perfect 10 Update.

Here were my Perfect 10 Goals and how I faired on each of them this week:

• Walk 100 miles over the course of the 10 weeks. This will help keep me on track to reach 500 for the year. I walked and/or jogged 11 miles this week. This brings my total for the year to 41.6 miles.
• Continue the C25K program, doing it at least 3 days per week until completed.Success
• Start riding my bike. No time or distance restraints for this. This one is purely just to get over my fear and DO it…at least once and I’ll be happy. Success – See this post.
• Not drink ANY soda. This is also a goal for the year. So far so good! It’s been 130 days since I’ve had ANY soda.
• Participate in (3) 5k races. This will help keep me on track to do 12 for the year. I did the Calusa Bug Chase 5K in January and am participitating tin the Walk for Wishes TOMORROW! I found a third I want to do, but I still need to register.
• Start a garden. Still haven’t started yet, but I do havea plan!
• Go to bed by 11:00 on work nights, but preferably 10:00. Only made it 2 out of 5 nights!
• Sign up for Karate (or another martial art if Karate isn’t available) Had to put this on hold for a little while due to finances and time restraints.
• Go to the gym at least 3 times per week.Success!
• Stay within my budget every month (using YNAB) This is a yearly goal as well. Doing well here.
• Read the Bible each day using this plan. Another yearly goal. I’ve caught up on a lot this week, but still am behind.

Another productive week behind me. I had some great workouts, the best being kickboxing last night. My eating was on target all week with the exception of Wednesday, but I’ve moved on, so I won’t dwell on it here. Tomorrow is the Walk for Wishes and I’m super excited about it! I’m also super excited for Lynne because she’ll be doing it with me and it’ll be her first. She’s a little nervous, but I know she’ll do great! My sister has also decided to join us.

The other part of this challenge is to post something that others may not have known about me.

When I was 23 I was a waitress and a single mom of a toddler. I decided to move from Florida to North Carolina to be near my sister and to go back to school and (finally) get the engineering degree I had always wanted. Well, I had to wait a year until I’d be a ‘resident’ so that I could get in-state tuition and I guess you can say that a lot happened in that year. I met Darren (who is now my husband) and I was soon pregnant with my second child. For most people, that would have meant putting any college dreams on hold (again). Not me – I had put it off for too long as it was and didn’t want to wait anymore. So I signed up for fall classes anyway, pregnant and all. I’ll never forget it because the first day of classes was August 13th and my original due date was a week later, August 20th! I got all kinds of weird looks thrown at me So, that’s something most people don’t know about me…and it was one of the best decisions I’d ever made in my life – EXTREMELY hard to be a mom, student, and full time waitress, but SO worth it when I walked that stage 3 years later. Of course, the decision to lose weight and get healthy is up there too!

41.6 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(1) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

Thank you all so much for your comments on my post last night. I felt silly vulnerable after posting it and considered deleting it almost immediately after publishing, but now I’m glad I didn’t. Getting it out did me good…reading your comments did me better. Yes, I was crying too, holy cow! I’m pretty speechless at the moment concerning all of it, but just know that I’m very appreciative of your support.

I woke up this morning and just told myself that today would be a better day because I was going to make it so – and it was. My eating was back on target, I had a great workout this evening, and I feel like my emotions are almost back in check.

Before I go, let me tell you what happened at the gym tonight. It was kickboxing night and it was a brutal workout. She had us working muscles I didn’t know exist – seriously. Afterwards I went and hopped on the treadmill to get a couple miles in like I always do. Having the goal to reach 500 for the year is what motivates me to do that, otherwise I’d likely just go home afterwards. Anyway, my sister came over and told me that the kickboxing trainer was talking to her about me not realizing that we were sisters. She was telling my sister how impressed she was that I always got on the treadmill afterwards because once class is over she’s ready to be done and go home. I was pretty stunned that the trainer was impressed by me.

I was so tired when I got home that I went to sit on my bed to take my shoes off and get a shower and the next thing I know I was waking up an hour later. I just fell asleep like that! LOL!

Anyway, thanks again – I’m still in this fight. I haven’t given up, and am going to do everything in my power to make sure I don’t!

41.6 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(1) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

Remember the other day when I was talking about emotions? and how I could no longer pretend like my weight-loss journey was merely a physical challenge unaffected by anything mental or emotional? Well, today was very tumultuous for me, both physically and mentally. So, here I am tonight, entering brand new territory on my blog as I share some of the innermost thoughts I had today.

For some reason, I woke up and felt very heavy. I don’t know how well I can explain this feeling, but I’ll try. Since I started working out and increasing my strength and endurance, I’ve noticed that I walk around a little taller. A little more confident. A little faster. A little lighter. On those days I feel strong and capable and my presence reflects that. Today was the opposite and I don’t know why, but I just felt sluggish, incompetent, weak, and for lack of a better word, heavy. As a result, loads of self doubt crept in and I was asking myself questions like “who are you kidding? you really think that you will ever be able to run a marathon?” All day I found myself looking down at my belly rolls and thinking how delusional I was to ever think that someday they wouldn’t be there. I’m an all or nothing kind of gal and I just kept telling myself that even IF I get down to my goal weight I will still have rolls of loose skin, stretch marks, etc. I must have went to the restroom 10 times during the work day just to look at my face up close in the mirror investigating new lines that seem to have appeared overnight. Are they a result of the weight I’ve lost so far? Will they get worse as I lose more like I’ve seen on other women who’ve lost a lot of weight? (Like Tracy, from the BL last season) Would I be better off staying fat so that at least the skin on my face will stay smooth for a few more years? Then I’d look down at my feet in frustration at just how ugly they looked today. I used to love the way my feet looked in sandals, but now I just have fat, old lady feet that are all hardened on the bottom and blegh. How would they look once I lost the weight? They’ll never be back where they were 100 pounds ago so what’s the point? That’s a lot of self-doubt for one day, I know.

I’m not posting all of this to elicit sympathy from anyone. Trust me, it’ll be very hard for me to hit that “publish” button once I’m done. I just feel like this struggle is sometimes harder than the struggle of whether or not to eat that cookie. I find it easier now to resist soda than I do to accept myself. As my struggles evolve, so should my blog.

This turmoil that plagued me today not only affected my demeanor, but also my eating and exercise, which was non-existent. Lunch was ok, but for dinner my husband cooked mashed potatoes. Some of you might remember how I had to have a Plan B (and C) for Thanksgiving last year (and I did SO well that day) because mashed potatoes are a great weakness of mine. “Trigger food” if you will. Well, I decided to have a portion of them tonight and it certainly triggered something in me to have more…and more. And then after dinner I had pudding. And nachos. And THREE glasses of sweet tea. (I normally only drink water, with an occasional tea probably once a week, never more than one glass a day, so this was a lot of sugar for me today.)

So yes, I had a rough day. Deep down inside I know I’m capable, it’s just hard sometimes to realize it. I can see the progress I’ve made, not only in pictures, but also in how much I can do now compared to four months ago. I’m able to walk faster and farther. I can jog now. I am in kickboxing. I’m drinking almost 100 oz of water a day on average, and that’s coming from someone who used to drink two 2-liters of Pepsi a day. It’s like my head sees the progress and knows I’m capable but convincing my soul is turning out to be a much more difficult task than I ever thought it would be.

Some days my inner fat girl wins and today was one of those days. I have to keep telling myself that I am capable…that it WILL be worth it…and maybe, just maybe I can reach a point where my inner fat girl doesn’t have a voice anymore – at least not one that has any control in my life.

39.1 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(1) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

The other day I read a post over at Kim’s blog about how a comment by her coach caused her to panic and start gaining weight again. One of the things I love about Kim’s blog is how open and honest she is and in her comments I wrote:

I can completely relate to why that comment would send you on such a downward spiral. I love your honesty and how you share so many of your emotions here with us…I’ve been so reluctant to get ‘emotional’ on my blog, I guess because I’m scared to put myself out there like that. It’s difficult though to try to keep the physical separated from the mental – they are so intertwined. Thanks for sharing so much of yourself with us!

Part of her reply was this (You can read the whole convo here):

I don’t mean to say that sharing as I have is not without risk. It is risky. But I guess ultimately, I want change, lasting change, more than I want to hold that stuff that binds me up in.

Since I started my blog in September of last year, I’ve been reluctant to allow myself to get too “emotional” here…to share too much about ME. It’s fairly easy for me to post what I’ve eaten or talk about my workouts and such, but to post actual real life emotions is a part of me that I wasn’t sure I was ready to expose yet. It’s a risk I wasn’t willing to take. I mean, I sent the link to my blog to practically everyone I know, family and friends alike, so it’s not like I’m completely anonymous here talking to a bunch of people I’ll likely never meet.

So I’ve been asking myself the last few days which do I want more? That “lasting change” Kim was referring to? Or do I want to continue to keep this stuff hidden within pretending like it doesn’t exist? While the former is certainly risky, the latter is a bit dishonest to my readers and myself, is it not?

Well, yesterday I received a message that completely threw me off for the whole day. Not because of what it said, but rather, my perception of what it said. I don’t want to post the exact message here because it was sent to me privately, but I feel I must write about it because of how it relates to my journey here. The message came from someone who’s been a good friend of mine for a lot of years. I admire and respect her and she’s been very supportive of me through this weight loss journey. In her message, she had written the word “HUGE” and somehow I managed to grab that word and hold onto it like none of the other words in her message mattered. I somehow glossed over her real intent, her motive, and the context of what she really was saying. All I saw was HUGE and for some reason I immediately thought she was calling me huge. It didn’t make sense to me. I re-read the message several times but all I kept seeing was that word “HUGE” (which was capitalized in the message). I couldn’t understand why anyone, especially a good friend, would call me that. Why would she feel the need to insinuate such when she knows how hard I’ve been working to get non-huge? This message really got into my head yesterday in a bad way. It was devastating.

Then my perception had a head-on collision with reality. She wasn’t calling me huge – AT ALL. Without going into specifics, she was calling something else huge, but somehow I was able to extrapolate the absolute worst scenario and go almost the entire day thinking she thought I was huge.

So I’m left wondering how deep my weight issues must really be to have let my perception get so warped like that. This journey isn’t just about calories eaten, pounds lost, and miles walked…it’s about so much more. As such, my blog must be an honest reflection of that. If I don’t address the emotions behind my eating, and the deep rooted weight issues that I obviously have, I don’t think I can be successful at this. I’m grateful to Kim for helping me realize the importance of sharing this part of my journey with you all.

33.1 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
6.4 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(1) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

I can’t wait to tell you about how great my evening was last night!

Before I left work I got an email from Lynne telling me that her and two other friends were going to be walking later in the evening and asked if I’d like to join them at around 8:15. This time was perfect for me because my daughter’s performance would be over by 7:45, so I said “SURE!”. I was concerned I wouldn’t get any exercise in last night, so this was great news.

So I got off of work and went down to the Target shopping center to walk while I was waiting for my husband and girls to get there. We were going to eat at Chik-Fil-A before her performance started. So I got a good mile walk in before they got there. Going good so far, right?

So we head on over to Chik-Fil-A and they were PACKED. Not an empty booth in the place and people were lined everywhere! Ugh. Looks like we’ll have to find a Plan B…So we looked around at other places and the consensus of my family was Five Guys. I ordered a grilled cheese (430 calories) and had roughly 10-15 fries…which isn’t bad considering THIS was how much they gave us:

This is one example of just how much I’ve changed. I’ll openly admit that before I started this journey to lose weight, Five Guys was one of my favorites. The burgers are the biggest, greasiest, and cheesiest and I loved every artery clogging bite of ‘em. And their servings of fries as shown above were very appealing to a fry lover such as myself. (That’s not including all the ones in the bag; they always put an extra scoop in the bag) But, now that I’ve lost 31 pounds and trying to loose 90 more, it’s just not for me anymore. My husband isn’t dieting and neither are my children, so it’s hard to say “no” when the consensus is a place like this. Ideally, they need to be eating healthier too, but this isn’t an ideal world, ya know?

After we ate, I got a phone call from Lynne. She was letting me know that they were planning on riding bikes, not walking and wanted to know if I still wanted to come. I said “well, that’s one way to get over a fear!” and I agreed to ride with them. (For those of you who might not know, I have had a silly fear of riding a bike. One of my New Year’s and Perfect 10 goals was to get over this fear and ride one.) Lynne said she had an extra bike I could ride. After my daughter’s performance I headed over there where I met up with Lynne, Angela, and Mindy. It was my first time meeting Angela. I had met Mindy once before, so it was nice getting to know both of them!

I was so nervous to get on the bike. I was sweating before I even started because I’ve always been afraid I’d fall and make a fool of myself. I know it sounds irrational, but aren’t most fears? I hadn’t ridden a bike since I was in middle school! So I just got on, pedaled, and went! It was great. The four of us rode for 6.4 miles! And I didn’t fall once. I did get the living crap scared out of me by an owl! Hey, I thought it was a plastic decoration on a mailbox, so it freaked me out when it flew off as I approached it!

I can’t express how genuinely happy I was last night…the whole experience of riding the bike combined with spending time with an old friend and making new ones was just…amazing. We think we want to start doing it on a more regular basis and I hope we do!

Now to tell you about tonight and another way I can tell that I’ve changed. As you all know, I have really enjoyed the kickboxing class I’ve been going to every Thursday now for a few weeks. Honestly, it’s the hardest workout I get during the week, because I have someone there pushing me, so I really look forward to Thursday nights for this reason. Well, I’m not going tonight and it really bummed me out…to the point where was very close to tears. If I ever needed evidence of the change within me, that was the moment right there. Six months ago I never, ever would have guessed that not being able to go to KICKBOXING would cause me to cry. If anything, I would have cried had someone tried to make me go! LOL So I won’t be getting that awesomely great workout tonight and that’s ok, because I will be spending some time with my mother (much overdue!).

If this week has taught me anything it’s that I’m still learning to find the balance between family and working out. It’s tough, but I’m getting there. Baby steps!

14.5/500