Wow. I can’t believe I’ve been at this for 41 weeks now! Gettin’ close to a year – SO exciting! I weighed in this morning at 200.8 lbs which is a 2.6 lb loss for the week. This brings my total weight loss so far to 55.2 pounds.

Yaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay!

I have an interesting story to share that happened this weekend. The Fort Myers Track Club held their annual member’s picnic yesterday and my husband and I decided to go. It was really nice…out on Ft. Myers beach and they had a great lunch set up for everyone. Free for all members…WHICH I AM….cool, huh?

Well, this couple joined my husband and I at our table and we began to talk. They were super nice and it was really great to meet them. When I got up to get more to drink she made the comment to my husband that he must have really low race times. Hmm. They must have assumed that he was the runner because he has a VERY slim build. The truth is, my husband doesn’t run…so he told them that and went on to tell them that I was the runner. When I got back to the table she was asking me about it and I shared a little bit of my journey with her. Let’s just say she was shocked when I told her that I had just run almost 6 miles (without stopping) the day before! hehe…kinda funny really. It made me realize that’s probably what most people think when they see me and Darren together, especially at races and such, that HE is the runner. It’s a valid assumption I suppose since he has hardly any body fat at all, and I still have quite a bit to lose, but still. There’s a lesson in there somewhere about ASSuming and not judging a book by its cover.

Just remember the next time you see an overweight person….he or she may be in better shape than a lot of skinny people you might know! I may not look like a runner (yet), but I am one!

193.6 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
53.0 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(6) 5Ks finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

I weighed in yesterday at 201.0 lbs which is a 1.2 lb loss for the week. This brings my total weight loss so far back to 55 pounds.

I am so happy to be back on track! I’m so pleased with myself this week and not just because I posted a loss, but the whole picture — I’ve been RUNNING again and eating healthier again. This is what I’m most pleased about!

So, let me recap the week. I ran a total of 4.5 miles. This is well below my initial goal set this year of 10/week, but the good news here is that my leg is no longer hurting after I run! Even when I ran the full 3.5 mile run on Saturday with Caleb’s Crusade…my leg was fine and did not hurt the next day like I was expecting! So it really looks as if I’m on the other side of this injury. I’m still cautious though…I’m not going to overdo it. But yeah, I’m really, really happy about this progress. I also enjoyed being out there with Caleb’s Crusade again. For a few weeks there I started having major doubts about me really being a runner. I was even starting to doubt whether or not I could actually do the half marathon, but now? I’m starting to believe again

My eating has been at about 80% on target. I’m not ’stress eating’ anymore. I’m sure that has more to do with my stress levels not being as high than it does my willpower, but nonetheless. I’ve taken control and have almost gotten back into the same eating routine that I had before my setback.

So, that’s where I am. If you haven’t voted for Caleb’s Crusade yet, won’t you do it now? It only takes a moment of your time and could mean the world for this wonderful organization. Just click the image below to vote…Thank you!

174.3 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
49.5 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(6) 5Ks finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

I weighed in this morning at 204.3 lbs which is a 3.3 lb gain for the week. This brings my total weight loss so far back down to 51.7 pounds.

I’m struggling. There, I said it. I don’t know why that’s so difficult for me to admit. I suppose nobody really likes to admit failure. I know, I know….struggling ≠ failure. I know that, but still. When you’re struggling like I have been, it sure feels like failure and that’s a hard thing for someone like me to accept.

Last night I dreamed that ran into an old friend of mine whom I haven’t seen in a year and half – long before I ever started losing weight. I was expecting her to remark on how different I looked from the last time she’d seen me, but she didn’t say a word. Hmm. So, I decided to bring it up and told her that I had lost 50+ pounds. Her reaction? “Wow, I can’t even tell!” She couldn’t notice a change in me at all. Now, obviously, she wouldn’t have said that to me in real life…thankfully it was just a dream, but OMG what a dream! I woke up in a sweat all freaked out and in tears. For me it was a total wake up call. A much needed one. I just seemed to have lost my focus on my weight loss efforts for the past few weeks. It started out when my leg wasn’t getting any better and I decided to take a break from running. That REALLY messed with my head. BIG TIME. Here I am 3 weeks later and until today I hadn’t done ANY exercise. AT ALL. My eating has been…horrendous. I could sit here all day and pour on the excuses of how busy I’ve been (I have been extremely busy) or how stressed I’ve been (at an all time high!) but isn’t that kinda the point of this whole thing? To learn how to cope with what life throws at us in other ways besides turning to food and being lazy? Sure this experience is about retraining my body to run and be more active, but it’s also about retraining my MIND and learning how to better cope in times of stress. I obviously haven’t mastered that skill yet, but I’m learning.

I have also been riddled with guilt for not being there for you guys. Tara’s going to kill me for apologizing again, but I can’t help it. I have become friends with many of you and it’s just not cool for me to NOT be there for you guys just because *I’m* not doing well. Friendship isn’t about being a friend only when it’s convenient, so yes, I’m sorry for not being around. As I write this, I have 957 unread posts in my Google reader so there’s no way I can go back and read all that I missed. I apologize if I’ve missed your big accomplishment or PR or milestone reached…or maybe I missed that YOU’VE been struggling. Please share it with me in the comments, because I want to know what’s going on in your lives! I’m so thankful for you all and really appreciate those of you who’ve reached out to me. Seriously, I ♥ you. More than you can know.

There really is a lot more to catch you all up on…the last few weeks have been a whirlwind with our family reunion, end of the school year awards and performances, field trips, graduation, welcome home parties, etc. etc. May was just one hell of a busy month. It’s a good thing I ran two 5K’s in April, because it made up for the fact that I didn’t run any last month. So I’m still on track to reach my 12 for the year I really want to share some of this past month with you all, so I’ll do so in separate posts over the next week or so. Especially the reunion. It was SO awesome to be reunited with family members I hadn’t seen in years and some I’d never met!

I suppose I’ve rambled enough for the night. In summary, I’ve been struggling. Then I woke up this morning after a nightmare with a renewed commitment to my weight loss and fitness efforts. I even ran a mile today. It was more like a slow jog, but I got out there and did it. My leg held up well and so far, it’s not hurting which is a good thing. A very good thing! Josie is BACK! and I’m SO grateful that I didn’t let 8 months of hard work slip away from me. ♥

I weighed in this morning at 203.5 lbs which is a 4.4 lb gain for the week. This brings my total weight loss so far back down to 52.5 pounds.

So at least now I know what to expect when I eat like crazy and don’t exercise for a week. Last week I used food to help celebrate my achievements. This week, I used food to help me cope with stress. Of ALL weeks to practically binge eat, why in the world did I choose this week? The ONE week where I knew I wouldn’t be running or exercising? I have a tendency to make really dumb decisions at times and seriously. This was one of those times. It sucks to be back over 200 lbs so quickly after saying goodbye to it. Really sucks. But, ¡Eso sí que es!

I miss running and am looking forward to hitting the pavement again. My leg still hurts when I stretch it at all, so I’m still taking it easy and just refraining from putting any stress on it for now. I want it to be completely pain free before I run again. Some people might question that and think that I could run sooner, but I just don’t want to risk permanently injuring it. I don’t have health insurance so it’s not like I can just go to a doctor on a whim if it gets worse. I have to sort of self-diagnose and treat it for now and just hope and pray for the best. I’m praying that a little patience and frustration now will pay off in the long term. One bit of good news is that I signed up for my next 5k on June 12th. Hopefully I’ll be able to run by then.

I also miss blogging – reading and writing them. I miss getting my daily dose of inspiration from all of my fellow bloggers! I guess I’ve been in sort of an anti-social mood lately and I really hope I can get out of this funk soon. I’d open up my Google reader and let the number of new posts overwhelm me to the point of shutting it down before reading anything. If I’m being honest, it’s probably my guilty conscience at work. I knew that if I read anything inspiring or motivating that it’d probably help break my eating binge…and I’ll be honest..when I’m in the midst of an eating frenzy the last thing I want is something or someone to stand between me and my potato chips!

Talk about self sabotage again!

Anyway, I can sense that I’m starting to come out of this somewhat. Seeing my weight on the scale today was a big ole slap to the head. So don’t count me out just yet. My story is far from over.

164.7 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
49.5 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(5) 5Ks finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

I’m sorry I’ve been so quiet this week. It’s been a crazy, hectic week for sure. I’ll start with today’s weigh-in:

I weighed in this morning at 199.1 lbs which is a .3 lb loss for the week. This brings my total weight loss so far to 56.9 pounds.

After the week I had, I’ll take it. I came off such a high last Saturday when I hit Onederland that I did what I always tend to do when I hit a milestone like that…I sabotaged myself. Yeah, I ate like crazy this week, I guess because I felt like I ‘earned’ it…how silly is that?! Doesn’t that defeat the whole purpose?! I MUST learn to celebrate my achievements without food. MUST.

I mentioned before that I hurt my leg during one of my runs a few weeks ago. Like a dummy, I didn’t give it the proper time to heal. I was so excited to start training with Caleb’s Crusade (for the half marathon) that I have just been “pushing through the pain” instead letting it rest and heal. Big mistake and one I won’t make again. My leg really flared up after my Saturday run this week. I think I actually pulled my hamstring because it’s a pain from my hamstring down to the back of knee area. I don’t know for sure and I can’t go to the doctor to find out, so I’m doing the RICE method and have vowed to myself not to run again until the pain has been gone for 2 weeks. I’m scared that I will gain all sorts of weight back during this time, but I can’t let that stop me from doing what I know is best for my body. I have to take care of my leg if I want to become the awesome runner that I know I can be.

I’m sorry this post has all sorts of negative vibes going on…life isn’t always puppies and rainbows, ya know? I’ll be out of my funk soon enough. Our family reunion is in 2 weeks so I’m in full blown planning mode right now. It’s going to be a lot of fun and I can’t wait to see everyone, but there’s still A LOT to be done to get ready for it. In the meantime, I hope you guys are doing well in your quest to be healthy and fit. I really miss reading all your blogs…look forward to having more time so that I can do just that.

164.7 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
49.5 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(5) 5Ks finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

It’s been a very surreal day.

What could I say that the picture doesn’t already? In this case a picture is worth a thousand million words. When I stepped on the scale this morning and saw a “1″ before my weight, I wanted to run through my house and scream to the top of my lungs. (I didn’t, only because my family was still asleep!) I was SO happy and couldn’t stop smiling all day long. It’s like a burden has been lifted off my shoulders. I realize that I still have a long way to go before I reach my ultimate goal -before I’m at a healthy weight- but reaching this milestone changed everything for me. Suddenly, I don’t feel as overwhelmed about facing the rest of this journey.

The end doesn’t seem so far away now.

It’s within my reach.

I can visualize it!

So that’s milestone #1. I’m walking in ‘Onederland’! Aaaaaagh!!!!

Now onto milestone #2!

The other day I mentioned that today was my first training run with the running coaches for Caleb’s Crusade (the group I am running the Disney Half-Marathon with/for). But I realized when I read Karyn’s comment that I never talked about the actual training or running coaches yet. That was one of the reasons why I chose to participate in this race, because the training program looked so solid. Every Saturday we will meet at 5:30 AM to do our practice runs. (YES, 5:30 AM) They will have running coaches and walking coaches to work with us, which really excited me. Well, this morning was our first day of training. I overslept, so I didn’t get there till about 5:40 AM, but luckily, they hadn’t started yet. The route today was 4.5 miles long, but if we wanted we could stop at the water stop and loop back which would have been 3 miles. They told us just to go at our own pace, which I did. I started off walking for about 1/4 mile and then began to run. Lynne was there with me and we were basically side by side during the entire run, which was GREAT! She rocked it by the way!!!!

Anyway, we made it to the water stop so I knew we had went 1.5 miles at that point. I didn’t want to turn back – I wanted to do the full 4.5 miles. My initial goal was to run to the half point, but I surprised even myself when I kept running even after that. We looped back and made it to the water stop again, which meant we had gone 3 miles…and I was STILL running. At this point, my body was like on auto pilot. I was in some sort of zone where I wasn’t concerned with my breath, or soreness, or anything. I was just simply going…and I kept on going right up until the end. All in all, I RAN 4.25 miles non-stop. Technically, it was probably more like jogging, but WHATEVER. We did the entire route in about an hour which meant we were going at about 13:33 pace!

My legs were like JELLO once I stopped. I could barely stand, so I didn’t. I plopped on the ground and one of the other runners graciously brought me a Gatorade which was AWESOME at that moment.

I was in disbelief. I started questioning the distance, thinking maybe they mis-measured and it wasn’t really 4.5 miles. It couldn’t have been. I *couldn’t* have ran that far. So when I left, I actually followed the route again with my car and sure enough, it was 4.6 miles according to my car’s odometer. WOW.

I did it.

I REALLY did it!

So, yes. It was a very surreal day with two very big milestones reached in my journey.

My running goal was to be able to run 2 miles by the end of May and a 3 miles by November. It’s May 8th and I ran 4.25 miles.

Between that and the fact that I’m now under 200 pounds for the first time in over 12 years? What more could a girl possibly want?

Surreal indeed!

158.7 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
49.5 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(5) 5Ks finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

I weighed in this morning at 202.8 lbs which is a 2.2 lb loss for the week. This brings my total weight loss so far to 53.2 pounds.

I’m sooooo close now. Could I possibly hit ‘onederland’ by next week? Bliss. The last time I remember being under 200 was about 12 years ago – I am long overdue!

INTERESTING CONVO
I want to share part of the conversation I had with one of my bosses today. Yes, my boss. I don’t remember how the subject of weight loss came up, but we started talking about it and he congratulated me for doing so well. He said “man, Josie, when you make up your mind to do something, you really do it, don’t you?”

He’s right. That’s exactly what happened. For so many years I wanted nothing more than to lose weight, but was never quite ready to make the commitment I knew I’d need to make. So I never did. I’m an all or nothing kind of person. If I do something I want to throw myself 100% into it and not give some half-assed attempt. Perhaps that’s why I never yo-yo dieted – because deep inside I knew I wasn’t ready to make that lifelong commitment that’s needed for this sort of challenge. Anyway, he went on to tell me that watching my success (and his sister who has also lost weight recently) has inspired him to try himself. He said that he’s watched me transform my body right before his eyes, so he knows it’s possible. That was pretty cool to hear….from my boss no less. Oh, and he also told me something his daughter had said. I passed her the other day in the hallway and it was the first time I’d seen her since I started losing weight. I said “hi” and she said “hi” back and that was it. Well, apparently, after she passed me she asked her dad who I was. Didn’t even recognize me! I’m sure I was blushing as he told me this. I feel awkward when I hear comments like that in person, but man it does wonders for my confidence. Honestly, it was a great way to end what was probably the most hectic day at work I’ve had all year.

TRAINING LOG
I started a new training log that I will use to track my training for the Disney Half-Marathon next year. Hal Higdon recommends a log like this so that you can see patterns in your training and how each workout affects your body. This will hopefully help me to optimize my workouts so that I can see the best results. I will use it to track my workouts, but more than that, I’ll be sharing how I feel during (and after) each workout, what pains I may or may not have, and other pertinent information that might become useful to know in the future. The reason I made it separate is because I didn’t want to weigh this blog down with all my minute training details. I might reference it at times, and there is a link for it in my navigation bar at the top if anyone gets curious.

149.7 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
49.5 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(5) 5Ks finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

After reading all of your comments on my last post about becoming a runner, my heart is full of gratitude tonight. Thank you all so much for helping me see what I couldn’t see two days ago; that I AM already a runner.

I was so inspired by all of this running dialogue, that I began reading the book I picked up a few weeks ago from the Hal Higdon Meet and Greet, Marathon, The Ultimate Training Guide.

I came across a touching passage and I had a mini-epiphany right there on page 67. I couldn’t read any further without coming to blog about what I had just read. Unfortunately I can’t quote the passage verbatim here due to its copyright. I have sent a request to Hal (we’re on a first name basis now just kiddin’) asking for his permission to post it, but until then, I’ll have to just tell you the gist of it the best I can.

Tucked inside the book is a section called: “Slow Runners Deserve Respect, Too” of which there’s a small passage about average runners. Hal believes there is no such thing as an average runner. He goes further and explains that just planning to run a marathon puts you in a category that is above average. This really spoke to me because it’s so relevant to where I am mentally at this very moment in my journey.

Considering my post on Friday, I went from wanting to become a runner (because I couldn’t see that I was one already) to believing that not only am I a runner already, but I am an ABOVE AVERAGE runner in the eyes of Hal Freaking Higdon.

All in a matter of TWO days.

Amazing. Anyway, I just wanted to share this realization with you all and hopefully it speaks to others out there who may also be doubting themselves as potential runners. So far I am loving this book and it came along at just the perfect time for me in my journey. Seriously, the timing is impeccable. His words are my new mantra.

Before I go, I wanted to just give a quick blog related update. I’ve done some updating to my pages at the top of the blog, so if you haven’t looked lately, please do! My “Races” page lists all of the races that I’ve participated in along with stats and links to their recaps and photos. Also, under the “Pictures” tab there is a link to see the entire gallery that I finally have installed. I don’t have all the pictures uploaded that I want to yet, but most of the race pictures are there and some others as well. There are also more pictures uploaded there than I ever shared on my blog, so you’ll likely see something you hadn’t seen before. I’m also working on my “Goals” pages here and here, but still need to bring my “bucket list” over to complete it.

Thanks again to all of you for giving me such wonderful encouragement and advice. Lori and Shelley both encouraged me not to increase my distance by more than 10% in a week to prevent injury and regression. I never would have known that little nugget of info had it not been for them, so thank you.

Man, I LOVE this community!!!

141.2 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
45.5 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(5) 5Ks finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

I’ve never really liked my hands.

My hands are scarred:

Souvenirs, I guess from being a cook for all those years.

My hands are freckled:

in the oddest places.

My hands are showing signs of aging:

New lines (ok, wrinkles) appear each day it seems.

My fingers are chubby:

Although, they have gotten smaller over the last 6 months:

I’m learning that the true beauty of my hands

isn’t what they LOOK like,

but rather what they can DO…

…things like taking pictures:

…and playing with my daughters:

…and journaling my childhood and teenage years which have become priceless treasures to me now:

…and decorating cakes, a real passion of mine:

…and blogging, helping me share my story with YOU:

…and helping me to become the strong woman I was meant to be:

…and hugging my children:

We all know that body acceptance doesn’t come easy.

I’m learning to accept CELEBRATE my body just the way it is,

starting with my hands.

What about you?

132.9 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
45.5 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(3) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)

I weighed in this morning at 204.6 lbs which is a 2.9 lb loss for the week. This brings my total weight loss so far to 51.4 pounds.

FINALLY! I’ve been dancing around 207-208 for a few weeks now. I even saw 206.5 a couple of times, but nothing any lower and it’s been driving me crazy being soooo close (yet seemingly so far away) from that 50 lb mark. Needless to say I was super excited this morning, and as my facebook friends will attest, I thought my scale was playing a jedi mind trick on me.

Oddly enough, if you look at my list of weight goals, you won’t see “Lose 50 Pounds” as one of them. It was so close to the “Onederland” milestone that it didn’t seem right for me to set two goals that close to one other. Still, “official” milestone or not, being able to say I lost 50 pounds is a pretty stellar achievement for me.

So, this puts me 5.6 pounds away from being under 200 – which will hopefully happen in the next 2-3 weeks? Yes, I’m OMG!-ing at the mere thought of it. I mean, it’s been a long time comin’. How long? About 15 years since I’ve weighed less than 200 pounds. And I’m now just 5 pounds away.

FIVE FREAKIN’ POUNDS.

Somebody pinch me.

Changing gears now, I am *almost* caught up on all your blogs. I do apologize for being so quiet lately in that regard. I’m constantly amazed and inspired by everyone in this community and it did me good to read your blogs today…so many inspiring posts. I’m happy for Craig who’s decided to enter his first 5K race. That made my day, man! I need to remember that even when I’m in a “funk” as I have been, that’s when I should be visiting your blogs the most. Ya know? Anyway, thank you all for welcoming me into your world and being there for me even when I’m not there for you.

132.9 miles walked/jogged/ran since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 500)
45.5 miles biked since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 300)
(3) 5K finished since January 1st. (2010 Goal: 12)